Friday, April 30, 2010

Now that my hormones are under control some minor rage issues seem to have appeared

Today for me was to be completely internetless. Not a huge feat I'll grant you, seeing as I have barely spent any time at all here in the last few months (not counting Lamebook and Go Fug Yourself, which I seem to be able to check even if I'm in the bush without any kind of coverage just with the pure power of thought and the intense desire to view bad fashion), but still a trying day of only checking Twitter every now and then with my iPhone and getting through the day without laptop-heated thighs (oh the horror!).

Why?

Well, since we are on the continent of most likely (too lazy to Google, but can't be far from the truth) the slowest, yet most expensive internet in the world, the reason would be the oh so ubiquitous South African "I've reached my cap". I normally suffer through this a few times every month and have to top up (i.e. make the Viking make some phone calls and top up my account of limited and pricey access-joy), but I figured last night, I really truly did, that since May is just around the corner I can make do for one measly day without the glory of the interwebz. I really did.

But then things started happening and I started getting pissed off. And then I realized I wanted to blog. I wanted to share the stupidity of other people in the real world (and some of my own). I wanted to bark at other drivers in writing. I wanted to sweep that smug smile off of that face with the insults that I could only think of when I was already in the car. I wanted to stop screaming at the Viking (on the phone, and he couldn't really hear me, so I don't think he's too fazed). I wanted to vent.

Also, I think I'm PMSing.

So here I am. Internet topped up. Ready to let it rip:

Unhelpful, arrogant, and very unprofessional Apple iStore technician at Melrose Arch in Johannesburg

You will have to do better than "Well, ma'am, I'm sorry about that," if you make me drive 30 kilometers to your iStore to get my MacBook Pro fixed only for you to tell me once I get there that you don't actually do hardware repairs, which you could have told me anytime during the lengthy phone conversation we had (okay, the Viking had, but that's beside the point. Like I'm meant to make my own phone calls. Tsk.) during which you were repeatedly told that it is the CD drive that is ill and noisy and possibly ant-infested. I mean, are there ever people who are willing, without any kinds of back ups and separation anxiety, to just leave their Macs in your 'capable' hands without any warning for the duration of at least 2 weeks? I didn't think so.

You make me want to own a PC.

Big man in Big truck in front of me for miles and miles

Why does your truck say Fast & Fresh if you and the innards of the truck are neither? Why are you going 60 kilometers an hour when the speed limit is at least a 100? Why are the eggs (let's just say it's eggs, because it fits my beef today) you are carrying never ever fresh? Why is it so hard to find fresh eggs in this city? Could it have something to do with your snail pace? I think so. And why are you always there, at the ready to turn right smack in front of me, when I have to pee?

Yes, that gesture I made out the window when I finally passed you was Finnish for 'hello'.

That huge bruise on my calf and my very own hands while holding a jumprope

You will have to fade like right at this minute. You can start any time now... You are huge and purply black in a slightly yellowish and green way and you could light up a sizable room. You are the one thing  (those weird fatty deposits on the insides of my knees excluded as usual) standing (lying?) between me and that flamencoesque, shortish skirt I intend on wearing out tonight. My one decent pair of black pantyhose smells like it should have been washed two years ago and would just scare innocent bystanders. So fade you piece of conceptual art on my calf! And while I'm at it... nah, The jumprope held in the tired hands at 5:30am at boot camp led to the bruise and that's all there is to that. Bad hands. I wish there was someone else than myself to blame.

Yes, today I will rock a bruise like a Louis Vuitton handbag: with weird pride, because it's not like I want it, but now that it's there I might as well make the most of it. It's obviously cost me a lot.  

This very northern suburb of Johannesburg we inhabit and my school in Pretoria

Why can't you be more like Cape Town, where apparently no racists, such as described in my previous post, exist? Why should you choose to house, nay attract, proliferate, and breed, the most base kind of human beings and then put them on my path, one after the other? Because I am not talking about just one or two, but of a multitude, coming at me from all directions, from varying positions, and again and again.   Just when I least expect it.

Perhaps I should just never go out again. Rather than face the reality of South Africa.

The ideas person who likes to suggest things but never actually does anything and always ends her mails with "I hope it's not too much to ask."

It is. Do it yourself.

Icy.

Have an exciting weekend everyone and thank you for reading (and even if you didn't I feel better already)!

8 comments:

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

A good rant every now and then (or in my case every day) is cleansing for the soul. Plus the world is populated by complete idiots and if we don't put them in their place they might get all uppitty and take over, like a zombie apocalypse. Though I would probably be on board with that because I would then have a ready made excuse for hitting them in the head with a shovel.

Tonia said...

Never underestimate the general stupidity and bigotry of the general public: it doesn't make it better but it no longer surprises. Except occasionally. And then it'll leave me speechless and raging.

Cyndy said...

That nagging feeling when you want to be on the internet and can't ~ that void that you were feeling for a moment? Yep, that's how I feel when you are not there with my morning coffee. I miss my Extranjera fix and your tweets are teasing me. While I am certainly glad that you are "out there" and enjoying the life that is not connected to either satellite or electrical outlet, and that you are working hard at looking fabulous (which you are ~ kudos) and making others look fabulous (your photography adventures ~ another kudos), perhaps that jump rope incident was the universe speaking to you, letting you know that you are missed (or maybe it's just a good thing I didn't smack that voodoo doll in the head ~ did I just say that out loud?). Haven't you had enough of those RWP yet? Missing you. Just sayin'...xoxo

Cyndy said...

P.S. With all of those exciting escapades to the dentist, are you finally able to cross #1 off the To Do list? And, oh, if I didn't make myself clear in first mini-blogging-comment, then read #2 on your list.

wv: palishe: "Please" with a slur, either induced by too much wine (as if) or a visit to your friendly dentist...

Lynne said...

Sorry to burst your bubble but there are PLENTY of racists in Cape Town. And plenty of people who exist in their little cliqs, smugly looking out at the "others" and wallowing in their own sense of worth and entitlement. Its not always about race... it is an attitude of "us" and "them" and it seems to be everywhere.
(I feel a blog coming on...)

VaNeSsA said...

You are one of my blogging heroes. I wish I could be as funny as you are whilst complaining. I pretty much just complain, myself. :)

Kaotic said...

Oh my, the truck thing reminded me of the bus my friend and I were following yesterday. We overtook it as it was moving at a slow pace and then we hear this loud honking and have it overtake us after which it slowed down again. It happened twice before it hit us that the big male ego ahead of us was going to make this a few painful kms, so we got all zenlike, managed to lag behind and finally reached those crossroads that sent us in different directions!

I know, not quite the same thing, but the big slow moving vehicle and that gesture called "hello" reminded me of this incident as you could say it happened here too.

Erin said...

It was nice read your words and imagine you tapping furiously away on your laptop again. It's been a while. I'm sorry I've been a stranger. I need to keep reading though, to catch up. : )