Friday, April 20, 2012

A scientific study of a brain possibly deprived of oxygen (y'all)


Lately, since I haven't really been getting out of the apartment, on account of the Babe needing to have the oxygen tank by her at all times in case she falls asleep (And as much as I like a good, colorful accessory, I'd prefer a head band with a glittery bow [No. Seriously] or that other Rebecca Minkoff bag instead of the steely geriatric coolness that is an oxygen tank on wheels. Snazzy, huh?), I've been getting weirded out by things on the internetz and things I see from the car on my way to the hospital.

Good stuff folks. And not at all contrived. Nope.

:: Why are people mean and preachy on Baby Center? Oh wait, I know! Probably for the same reason they are unable to spell 'fertile'. There are some folks seriously lacking in the education department.

And I'm not mean. I'm sarcastic, sardonic, and delightfully snarky.

:: If the World Health Organization recommends that all women exclusively breastfeed (just a [not so] little tidbit: My computer is refusing to write 'breast'. It's either because of that same internet phenomenon as Siri sending people looking for abortion clinics to anti-abortion websites [in that case, conservatives/ religious nut jobs, leave my MBP be!], or my MBP just being unaccustomed to writing 'breast' instead of the phonetically more correct, and the far more frequent [with moi] BOOB, which it would probably write comfortably [magically?] without me even touching the keyboard. Whatcha think? Not Friday tidbit-y enough for ya? 'Kay.), for the first six months, why are they not doing anything about the 'maternity leave' afforded to Mexican women/ women in Mexico? No wonder the women quickly switch to (or automatically choose) formula when they are allowed all of 42 days (that's 6 weeks folks) after delivery, at home with the baby? If they're among the lucky ones that is. So if BOOB's the way to go, why is the Mexican legislation making Nestle so much money in formula-proceeds?

I will not be held accountable for how much money I'm making for Nestle by over-using, to the point of actual substance abuse, my new Nespresso machine. This is about formula. Not my addictions.

:: Were the Mayans on to something and will the world really end this year? The earthquakes, and now this possibility of a major volcanic eruption, not 70 kilometers from Mexico City, point to yes.

Does Tom Cruise have something to do with it? I believe so.

This might just be what happens when I don't get any of the oxygen I'm however forced to cart around

1) When is Katie Holmes's birthday? On December 21st, when the world is supposed to end!
2) Is Tom Cruise short like I imagine the Mayans were? Yes.
3) Is coffee production suffering in the world? Indeed.
4) Who is in the Nespresso commercials? NOT Tom Cruise. That's who.
5) Is there a Mayan wanna-be (could be Aztec, in which case the world's probably not ending after all, sorry for the panic y'all) dude dancing at a stoplight on the way to the hospital? Yes, but he wasn't there last year.
6) Who died yesterday (Or possibly the day before. I'm on mommy time, so sue me)? The man who counts in the New Year.

Exactly.

I rest my case. And all the others too.

Lalalalalalalalalalalala laaaaaaaa

:: So. 'Authors'.

This one'll be a little cryptic unless you also dabble in the Down syndrome circles

I'll wait until someone gives me the book second hand, but it already bothers me that I hear that she refers to her OBGYN as Dr. Hottie during the, for her, trying time of coming to terms, while "writhing in bed crying", with her daughter's diagnosis.

Cue 'The Keepers of KH' and the comments of ripping the 'bitter, jealous bully' that this reference naturally makes me, apart. Or not. Maybe there's some sense left in the world after all. We'll see.

And finally. The biggie/ The one that's really mind boggling in ways so disastrous I dare not delve too much into it lest it (grammar is the shiz, right) destroy a part of me permanently. 

Also know as "people can be so fucking stupid that it makes me want to tear everyone not using the correct terminology a new one".  

:: In-laws Random strangers who should at least tolerate you because you married their brother.

And definitely not say they understand if people pity you because you gave birth to someone who, apparently, is not 'normal'.

I'm so angry, I'm amazed I'm still in one piece and there's no blond shrapnel stuck to my new couch.

So.

It seems that I did not look out the window once while on the way to the hospital. Might have been on my iPhone surfing the net.

No point. Just Mexico City.

CLICK on the links people. Then it just might make sense, but I've also been drinking a lot, so really, in the end, all bets are off. And uncorked.

9 comments:

eggdipdip said...

And this is why I love reading your blogs :-)

Oh and you might find a better class of grammar and/or spelling over at mumsnet.com

Tonia said...

Your 'random stranger' actually said that to you?? Jeez. Kudos for not using them as a trampoline whilst wearing big boots.
Grammar schmammer.

Angelina said...

I could not have picked a better blog to read. Love, Love, your stuff

Robin said...

I blame my incorrect grammer on this baby who keeps banging on my keyboard. Also, my birthday is December 21st. I think I will have an apocolypse party although our dear end of the world calandar forgot to take into consideration leap year so it's void anyway. I am enjoying a large glass of sangria right this minute. I am enjoying a large glass of sangria right this minute...still. I hate that you are so angry. People get to you. I once had someone tell a "dead baby" joke 2 weeks after we buried our daughter. I remember it and it's hard to let go. Shame I have spent so much time being upset really, or that I have gone out of my way to share. Well, you get the picture right? I enjoy your blog.

Loco YaYa said...

love the blog. and normal? no one is normal.

you should have kicked her ass. just sayin.

Kris said...

Oh, gosh, I just found your blog, and I'm enjoying the daylights out of it! Hopefully, I'll soon have the time to really jump in and soak it up!

RSA Online said...

Got your blog! Lalalala! it's so nice.

Matilda Jamama said...

Love your blog. I post similar things in mine. I live this ave of venting and self expression that seems to be lacking in our ordinary parts of life

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