I sit here staring at the blank screen. My eyes are puffy from the tears that seem to come unexpectedly and in bursts. I'm extremely worried about my friend who is both physically and emotionally much closer to the situation than I am.
I inspect the facts over and over in my mind: A young woman, the mother of a 10 day old baby, takes her own life by throwing herself in front of a train.
I wish I could understand, but I can't. I wish there were answers and not simply questions everyone knows will never be answered, because the only person who could ever answer them is forever gone. Perhaps she answered her questions the only way she knew how.
I want to write something funny and inspiring to make the life without her in it just a little bit easier to face for those left behind. I wish I could. Especially for that newborn soul who will now never know the woman who carried him. I wish there was something I could do.
But how do you do anything normal and everyday after someone decides to end their own life? When someone decides to leave everything and everyone behind. Leave this world and her existence in it.
How she must have been hurting.
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1 year ago