Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Does the dye inject stupid in right through the scalp?

This has a nice Homer Simpson vibe to it. And let's face it, who else could qualify as the original airhead better?

My mental age just hit somewhere where it can only be defined as 'very old, bordering on senility and that stage when the fridge seems like the optimal spot for any sort of keys, the husband's deodorant, and Mitzy, the little hand-bag size poodle'. Or perhaps I finally bore witness to that thing called a blond moment, made so famous by Jessica Simpson of the notorious chicken of the sea fame. Or was it Marilyn Monroe (Oh no! Am I having another one? Of those moments. Or was it that Monroe was just having more fun...? Nngh! She does look like she was having oodles of fun in her hayday, but then again she did kill herself, so I don't quite know what that does to the whole having more fun than brunettes or redheads, and...

What was I saying?

Am I still writing an aside in the parentheses?

Shit.)

What?

Shit.

Oh yes. I was writing about my interesting discussion at the gas station today. In case that wasn't completely obvious from the Marilyn Monroe references. Nothing says gas like Marilyn, right?

"Please fill it up," I say, and the man smiles at me through my open window.

There are the usual questions on the water and oil and something I think sounds like 'carlage' but which I haven't actually told them to check yet, not even to find out what carlage might mean, when I hear the gas pump click.

"Hmm, that's awfully soon," I mumble to myself and frown in what I always believe is an endearing manner, but might just be scaring the bejeezus out of the attendant, as I'm pretty sure I can see his lip quiver just a little when he approaches me again.

"52 rand," the man tells me.

"What? That's not possible! I had less than half a tank left! How much did you put in?" I open with, but decide to make things easier for myself as him telling me 5 liters or 50 is not going to mean anything to me anyway, "wait, scratch that. Did you fill it allllll the way up?"

I make a sign that to me signifies full, but probably means that I would like to hitch a ride to Baragwanath hospital on one of the local taxis. Which I probably should not do. Or that's at least what every single person I've told about my two taxi-rides in Soweto says as they look at me like I'm insane.

"Yes ma'am, allllll the way up" says the attendant and makes a sign that might mean that he too is in need of some sort of transportation.

I start the car and watch the gauge that doesn't move at all.

"See!" I yell and point at the dashboard, "There's something wrong!"

"Madam, that's the temperature gauge."

Now, where to find a new gas station I can start frequenting?

12 comments:

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Yep. I am having that brain type moment too. Wait, scratch that. Who's fuzziness came first? It's like the chicken and egg all over again...

Cyndy said...

A blonde moment? But I thought you were blue?!? Well it was grey for a moment, so that could be it...

wv: vanpro. That's the problem. You need a van to fill with gas...

Megan said...

I laughed out loud.

I once helped a friend put transmission fluid in her oil tank. Her dad said she needed more oil. We went to the store and got "all-purpose" fluid Once we began to dump it into the oil tank (that took quite some time to locate) we wondered if oil was in fact pink.

We drove back to her dad's and showed him our all-purpose oil. He was not happy.

In our defense - if it wasn't for all-purpose use, it shouldn't have been labeled as all-purpose.

Zara said...

:D

Tonia said...

Awesome blond moment: i have them more frequently than I'd like in shops. I'm running out of places to buy things.

Myne Whitman said...

LOL, I have to say that was so funny, lol.

Kaotic said...

LOL, I love reading this kinda stuff.

Jana said...

I love the way people of different places speak…they add their own unique touch to a language that makes it all the more interesting.

All of us have these moments from time to time.

Esmerelda said...

Mortifying, yet charming.

--r said...

fear of moments is why i go out of my way not to talk to people.

Eidothia said...

At such moments. I just leave it to the other person to complete. Like:
'See.......'
and then they say 'Yes. Exactly. Its filled all the way up'

And then I know.

Wasnt that smarter. Tcht.tcht. Extranjera, we must all educate each other :P

julochka said...

i thought you had lavender hair at the moment...

but this did make me laugh out loud (which i will not shorten and risk killing kittens), like right here in my home, all by myself. i even scared the cat.

that's awesome.