Getting back to South Africa sans the hubby just to find out that yes, the house still stands, yes, the nice neighbor hauled my trash can to the curb even though I only slipped a note under her door right before leaving, and no, the tree I got for my birthday and that the hubby 'planted' wearing his gardening clothes - his good Vans (Is it against the rules to own 'good' Vans?) and his bestest Diesel (my brother's discards, so we think they're really from Bangkok) - hasn't died and has not even seemingly dried up, was rather anticlimactic. Now, what remains are fingers frozen to the keyboard (glad the laptop tends to overheat so I can warm my hands), and a maid who seems to think I'm evil for having floors, and bathrooms, and having cooked last night.
So not much going on, hey? I've had plenty of time today (hiding from the maid) to wonder very random things.
Like, why does my new toothbrush immediately look like I repeatedly used it to clean the kitchen tiles, when the hubby's corresponding object is spick for a month? And how does it fit into this equation that the Hubby has far nicer teeth than me?
Like, why if you want to sell me something from hair wax to auto accessories all you have to do is call it some food name, such as 'fudge', 'banana' or 'vanilla'? Am I a complete sucker for this? Yes, dammit.
Like, what is it with South Africa's fascination with Italian mockitecture? I mean, painted-on cracks on your house. As if you were smack in Tuscany. Really.
Like, what are the odds of me not drinking a bottle of wine by myself today to 'keep warm'?
Like, if I was given the choice between either posing very tastefully but still nude for Playboy or not so tastefully for some obscure Asian porn-mag no one will ever see, which one would I do?
Like, why Slumdog Millionaire trumps Q & A? Is it supposed to be oxymoronic fun? If so, it's just sad.
Like, why do the gas station guys always point out that my tires need more air? Are they saying I'm fat, since the car seems fine when I'm not in it?
Like, why is it that my roses apparently died purely from my touch?
Like, why is Madonna so intent on adopting from Malawi again? Is it because Oprah has dibs on South Africa and Angelina on Ethiopia?
Like, can you rip your tongue off if it freezes onto a metal pole, and you are not able to pee yourself free, like they did on Bucket List?
Like, every time I google myself do my ears burn, or am I speaking of the devil?
I think my brain's a little frozen, or melting. You take your pick.
At least I got invited to participate in a cool project called Balderdash.