Wednesday, April 22, 2009

New jewelry and free booze - chronicles of my hardships in Africa

Yup. Ended up being snatched up by a pretty sizable secretary - a proper matron of the tribe of secretaries - and being whisked off to buy jewelry. Awesome, beautiful and expensive jewelry made of Zambian semi-precious stones and silver or gold. A shopping trip, the result of which is a proper 'all's well that ends well' moment. 

There really was no way I could have said no to this shopping outing. I have to admit I was afraid that had I not showed up in the hotel lobby at the precise time I was expected my chauffeur, the secretary, would have taken the stairs, two at a time no doubt, up to the third floor, not bothered with knocking, but pounded down my room door with ease, and ended up hoisting me over her shoulder, and running me to the shop herself. For those of you who are aware of my my corpulence I can only say that this woman could so have taken me. For those of you who have never met me, think of a female East German shot put champion, double that, add braids that probably weigh several kilos and voilá you got Mrs J. - a personal secretary extraordinaire and a woman who will probably inhabit my nightmares for a while (I only equal one East German shot put champion, and that's on a good hair day). 

Mrs. J. waited in the car while I made my way hastily into the shop, probably ready to intercept any possible attempts at escape. She need not have been on her guard, you are locked into the shop after you enter. I think they might not let you out until you buy something. Anyway, I decided to play it safe and started to browse. 

For some time I have been searching for a present for my friend in Denmark. I have long since given up trying to decipher her exquisite sense of style and just get her something expensive instead. Then at least I have a fighting chance of getting it right. At a glance, the products at this boutique seemed to fit the bill. Ended up picking a cute pair of earrings. Fighting chance...

And that is when I spotted it:  Sell-your-soul-to-the-devil-and-throw-in-a-firstborn-or-two beautiful bracelet made of two kinds of Zambian stones and pearls, and set in silver. I had to have it. My credit card practically jumped out of my wallet. All of my fears seemed to melt away, and a sense of immense (rather orgasmic, but lets not go there this time) gratitude came over me. I, in my younger years somewhat prudent Finn, did not think twice, and I thoroughly believe what the hotel manager told me upon my return to the hotel: "In the future you will only regret that you didn't buy more." I might go back there on Saturday  - with a different credit card, and yes please, when I die bury me with the bracelet, clothes and coffin optional. Thanks.

As I raced to my room to securely place my new investment into the safe. (Yes, otherwise it would have most likely spent the next couple of weeks in my Harry Potter-ish purse that could hold a cow should the need arise, to be taken out and fondled until some of the stones fell off) I found an invitation on the bed accompanied by two of the most awesome chocolates since Finland. Me and the hubby are invited for a networking cocktail party at the hotel pool tonight - an invitation which I decode to mean free booze for at least an hour. Oh, the hardship that is my existence! 

New jewelry and free booze - what more could a girl ask for?


Cynthia said...

Post a picture of the bracelet. Now, I'm dying to see it!

Extranjera said...

Would already have posted it, if it wasn't for the wonder that is the Zambian internet connectivity. I would hate to take down the whole country's network (and possibly something in the way of defense technology that would land me in a Zambian jail. Could be cool though?) just by trying to upload a picture. I already annihilated some of it by attempting to download All Summer Long from Kid Rock. Shame on me (Could have been that Zambians are not Kid Rock fans though, and not the downloading at all, who knows.)

Will grant your request once I'm back in South Africa, where the internet is at least at times a little better.

julochka said...

you are hilarious! but you really must SHOW us the bracelet!

i too am a sucker for free booze and i'm not even finnish. but we are building a sauna in our garden, so that kinda counts, right?

Extranjera said...

Okay. Truth be told (and I hope the hotel never gets wind of this), I did try uploading a photo of the bracelet that currently trumps the hubby in the household hierarchy, and blogger faithfully churned away for 54 minutes announcing obediently that "your photo is being uploaded" and then... the internet actually crashed.
I thought I was partly kidding before. Go Zambia!

trinsch said...

pls! try again. i want to see it too.

Extranjera said...

I will try next week when I'm back in the land of Wine and Mandela, now with the added zing (or sting) of Zuma.

paris parfait said...

Julochka sent me and she's right: you're hilarious! Will you just show the bracelet already? As for Zuma - Sigh. Well, one can only hope he remembers his campaign promises and thinks about the people, rather than acquiese to China's demands (just because they own that bank!).

Extranjera said...

Paris parfait - Thank you!

Took the picture, just cannot get it to upload without taking out Zambia's w(z?)ww in its entirety. Will rather take on a worthwhile opponent like South Africa next week when I'll be back home.

Patience ma peeps ;o)