Thursday, December 17, 2009

Now what do you say to that?



So the person who normally picks up after me, does my dishes, irons my clothes, and cleans my toilets didn't show up this morning.

She sent someone else instead.

Who has now been here all of four hours ...er... cleaning?

In those four hours she has managed quite an assortment of things, but as far as I can tell cleaning is yet to be one of them.

However.

She got lost on the way from the gate to our house.

"The people, they not help me," she said as the first thing when I opened the door to her, and I smiled and shrugged and invited her in. Which she took as an invitation to enquire me about whether I had children, how old I was, and why I didn't have children.

"So you not interested in home." she finally told me after giving me a hard stare, and poured herself some of my coffee.

She then proceeded to ask me for a cher, which I provided her with in the form of a barstool, which she then piled dirty dishes on because it was in fact something completely different she had asked me for. To do with dirty dishes. But also possibly the singer herself.

I didn't interfere.

Instead, I saw my chance, escaped to upstairs, and claimed to be working. Which she took as an order to jimmy open the locked garage door and mop the concrete garage floor.

"Too many spiders. Ugh. So I clean," she informed me when I finally decided to venture downstairs, take the maid by the apron-strings, and find out why she was opening and closing the electric garage door as if it was a fun new toy.

"So what you do on Christmas day?" she engaged me as I was reaching for my keys in her hand before I could sprint back upstairs.

"Oh nothing. Just working. Here at home. We don't celebrate Christmas," I told her in the hope of making the sentence long and winded enough to carry me up the stairs.     

"BUT Church?" she managed before I was even halfway up.

"Ah. Er. Uhm. We don't go to church. We're atheist," I said as I saw her fingers go to the gold cross around her neck. I couldn't move.

She looked at me thoughtfully and slowly opened her mouth: "Ah. That's why you not have children, and why you not like holidays."

An uncomfortable silence has reigned ever since.

11 comments:

... daisy... said...

Oh my "GoD"! :-)

Cyndy said...

I hope the perfect maid never finds you. What would I do without the stories?!?

wv: paness: the way one says "pain in the ass" when being asked for a cher...

Heather said...

its a well know fact that atheists eat their young. At least you have a clean garage floor to park your car on.

Lisa-Marie said...

Did you not know that when you decide you are athiest, your womb disappears?

Erin P said...

Lisa-Marie, Heather--great comments. What else can I say? Some people....

Eidothia said...

Well. Thats why I have a calm house to do anything I want in. Clean floors to walk on and bonus - She has less dishes to do and can sod off as soon as possible. What the fuck!

Just Jules said...

hahahaaaa ha h a haaa hee ehee hee

that is all I have. Love the hand to the cross vision.

My name is Erin. said...

Did she ask about politics next?

Steelers Girl said...

fabulous. i wish i had something more to say, but i jut loved that story. great imagery. i could see it all. the shock. your horror. the clean garage floor. the nerve.

omchelsea said...

I'm suddenly feeling very worried about my impending visit from a cleaner. I know. I decided I would happily work an extra hour than clean my own house. Is this invalid?

晚上 said...

安...辛苦了!祝福你在各個方面都愈來愈好!..................................................