Thursday, May 21, 2009

I was looking for a neon sign.

As I and the hubby are going to his brother's wedding this Saturday I started thinking that I should perhaps get out of my my jeans and whatever top is nearest to me when I reach for one, in celebration of the occasion (stripper joke, ha ha). The event is after all taking place at one of the most scenic places on earth - M√łns Klint in Denmark. So today, and as is only fitting to my never-be-afraid-to-procrastinate personality (this personality is closely related to when-in-doubt-open-wine gal we all know and love tolerate) and a whole one day prior to our exiting South Africa, I and the hubby headed out in search of something to wear. Apparently, I have been told, Zambian traditional costume would just create unwanted attention, especially if worn by the hubby. Oh well, we still have the fertility idol to drum up some excitement. Wouldn't want the bride and groom to hog the occasion... 

After completely digressing and having an amazing lunch of sushi and spending an indecent amount of time in a book shop buying books and magazines we finally made our way into Woolworths, South Africa's answer to a department store (quite a measly one as a department store, but otherwise awesome), and I started picking out things I could see myself trying on and actually sweating in at the wedding. I'm not a fan of fitting rooms or static electricity and the two things combined for me equal a small, and exceedingly hot version of hell.

However, against all odds, lo and behold, in the immortal words of the phenomenon known as Madonna, and sort of befitting a wedding: 

I made it through the wilderness 
somehow I made it through
didn't know how lost I was
until I found you

I was beat incomplete
I'd been had I was sad and blue
but you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
all shiny and new

I just wish I hadn't paid for you and taken you all the way home, before I found out you were actually maternity wear.

I'm bewildered and the suitcase only contained some musty old chocolate, that can't even been eaten anymore. Hubby knows, he tried.

Denmark here we come.

17 comments:

Seaside Girl said...

I always like to get my money's worth of food and drink at a wedding so an expandable waistline might not be such a bad idea..

Anandi said...

Maternity wear or not, the dress must've been something else to have invoked poetry.
Meaningful poetry too. I'm pretty sure we all mutter similar things when on a shopping expedition. Only difference is that we're less creative!

marathoner81 said...

Seaside girl is right...I've started wearing empire-waist dresses to weddings so I can overindulge. Best descicion I've made in a long time.

How wonderful that you chose a song that's about feeling like a virgin to describe a maternity dress!

M.J. said...

Beautiful location for a wedding...makes me want to get married! :)

My name is Erin. said...

A fertility statue... cute maternity dress... Like a Virgin... sounds like a party to me! Rip out the "maternity" tag and have fun! Noone has to know except your hubby and the 122+ people who read your blog.

Rock it!

B said...

Oh, dear, didn't VEG do the same with her trousers? You really are long lost sisters!
I say, so what? Wear it anyway and enjoy!

Amanda said...

Bahahaha. I love it. I love the maternity styles here at Target, but haven't gotten myself to go over there to actually peruse them. I AM top-heave after all and sometimes need that extra room!

Polly said...

I agree with B, wear it anyway. And please post some photos.

Just A. Girl said...

O.K. I'm new here and feel like I'm missing something. What's up with the fertility statue? It keeps coming up in your blog. Do you have a blog about it?

Don't worry bout the maternity dress...at least you'll be comfortable while the rest are suffocating in their too tight dresses and sweating their asses off....that's attractive.

corticoWhat said...

In the immortal words of Bonnie Raitt:

"Let's give them something to talk about
A little mystery to figure out
Let's give them something to talk about."

WEAR IT!

Lisa-Marie said...

If it looks cute, and you don't tell anyone it's maternity wear, no on will know. My favourite top is a maternity gypsy top(it fits better at the boobs you see, mine are on the large side).

Wedding clothes shopping is so difficult. You never know!

Cyndy said...

I am going to have to learn to either (a) go to the bathroom BEFORE reading you or (b) take MacBook into the bathroom WHILE reading you! At a loss for finding better way to say that you crack me up. Will from now on simply post PMPL (peed my pants laughing), an acronym dedicated to you. Cannot wait to hear about the wedding where all the best drama and people watching are sure to occur...

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

B: Yes I (VEG) did the same thing with my favourite jeans. Another in the long line of siamese-ness. It makes me cry and laugh at the same time.

Hee Hee: WV is tworad as in the two of us are rad (oops, r-word - but it was Blogger's fault not mine)

stepforddreams said...

Nooooo! Argh that is so funny, don't worry I often still wear items from my maternity wardrobe and my daughter is almost 2.

Extranjera said...

Seaside Girl - Silver lining!

Anandi - When in doubt and no have no wine bottle to open I always invoke 80s Madonna. She has the answers.

Marathoner - I thought the virgin-angle underlined my point nicely?

M.J. - Beautiful, but cold and windy....

Erin - Have no choice but to wear the dress. Just accessorizing over my wine bump.

B - VEG and I share a brain, so this must mean that we obviously don't learn from our mistakes.

Amanda - I have big boobs too, so I'm thinking I can pull the dress off... Hopefully.

Polly - With or without my finger up my nose?

Just A Girl - The fertility statue is our present to the happy couple. I like going overboard in various ways, so the statue consists of a huge pair of breasts and pregnant bell. It's carved out of Zambian wood and smells kind of funky. Should be a great ice breaker.

corticoWhat - I WILL. I have no other choice ;o)

Lisa-Marie - I'm getting more and more comfortable with wearing it...

Cyndy - An acronym dedicated to me. Wow, I don't know what to say, 'cept for I'm touched that it involves pee. Can now scratch that from my list of things to achieve in this here lifetime. ;o)

VEG - tworad!!!!!!! Blogger gods support MM.

stepforddreams - Yet I have never had children and this is in fact not the first piece of maternity wear I have purchased...

Shayshay McSassypants said...

Lol, bummer

Extranjera said...

Shayshay - I still wore the dress...