Saturday, May 02, 2009

Saturday quest

I made it back home in one piece from my shopping trip. This, I now feel, is an accomplishment because I hadn't realized it was in fact the Saturday (i.e. not a normal weekend, but the day after labor day), the day for more partying and/or family fun (should one be so inclined), and most people on the road were either drunk, or constantly turning towards the backseat threatening to smack a child with a sloppie (a shoe of the sandal variety), or both. I also feel quite a sense of victory, having regained my sanity after a rather nasty encounter with a weird Afrikaans live-music performance, and immediately after finding out that both Seattle Coffee, and Mugg and Bean have closed down. Had it not been for the awesome cashier at Exclusive Books and the guards who asked me where Mrs. Guru has been hiding, I might not be here writing, but huddled in the corner of the Checkers wine section monotonously repeating "ma'am, excuse me, ma'am, please let me pass, ma'am excuse me, ma'am please move your cart, ma'am, please." I wonder what personality glitch makes it impossible for me to do like all the other Joburg shoppers and just ram the people in my way with the cart? Could it be that underneath I'm actually decent? I doubt it.

Let's remind ourselves why I left the house today (other than it had begun to seem like it just was time). According to the list I left on the kitchen counter, my acute needs were: milk, coffee, eggs, iPhone, an outfit for brother-in-law's wedding, wheatgrass capsules, Elisabeth Arden 8 hour cream, and toilet paper. One would think that this wasn't too much to remember even without the list. That's why I did not turn back. For some reason I felt confident.

Should not have.

As I'm now surveying my boon, this is what seems to have come home with me: 5 bottles of wine, 8 different kinds of sugar-free chocolate, too much ham for any one person to eat - ever, a book Mushy Peas on Toast by a fellow-blogger Laurian Clemence, wheatgrass capsules (1 out of 7), toilet paper (2 out of 7), milk (3 out of 7), some new cream that will make the pulling sensation across my cheeks disappear, and 3 cans of tuna. Somehow I thought that if I remembered only one thing it would definitely be the coffee, but it seems that my brain is even more complex a creature than I had realized. 

Another try. I'm off to the gas station. 

At least I have wine.

16 comments:

julochka said...

get back out there and get an iPhone.

Extranjera said...

I tried, I really did. In the end it was just too much and I had to abandon my quest...

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Oh, let me wipe away the tears of laughter before I can type properly...

*wipe*, *sniffle*, *giggle*, *wipe*.

OK, seriously, that was perhaps one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Only because that is exactly what happens to me every single time I go shopping. I WANT to ram carts but end up saying the same "excuse me, pardon me." And never once have I remembered my carefully planned out and thoughtfully prepared list. Which is funny given my propensity for lists. And, as such, arrive home triumphant in my knowledge that I have actually remembered everything on forgotten list - only to discover I have not gotten anything on the list. And have spent $100 on crap. And still don't have anything I actually NEED. And the thought of returning to the zombie-laden aisles of the store defeats me and I end up eating cereal for three days.

Extranjera said...

VEG - Exactly! I hate shopping without the hubby. I always end up with the cart that veers in one direction, or one of the wheels doesn't work, or it makes a horrible sound...

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Does your hubby go willingly? 'cause getting mine to go involves duct tape, rope and a lot of pleading and cajoling. And he is grumpy the whole time, though he harbours no decency when it comes to other's carts, which is why I need him in the first place. Plus, he is the king of packing bags properly.

Extranjera said...

VEG - Hubby does most of the cooking, so we always shop together. Out of us two, he is really the one with the more organized brain...

Molly said...

Dude.
At least you remembered the toilet paper.
And the wine.

Extranjera said...

Molly - Yup. I'm all about the basic needs in life. And all other crap I pass on the way...

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Molly: Dude, I thought I was the only person left who said Dude.

Extranjera: My husband does the cooking too, but since I am picky and slightly-psychotic in my food quirks, I am tasked with picking the food of which he will cook.

Extranjera said...

err. Have to admit to dude as well. However, have been trying to hold back, because of all the dammits that keep popping out.

Oh, in regards to cooking, I decide. Well, I choose. Or, actually hubby gives me options until I figure out what I want. And yes, I realize I'm starting to sound more and more like an actual 6 year old, instead of a grown up with just most behaviors and attention span of one. Oh well.

molly said...

weirdly, i would have written EXACTLY what (the other) Molly wrote before me.

so, instead, i'll ditto that,
and say, dude, i feel you. i relate too much to bother putting it into words.

a classic.

Extranjera said...

Molly and Molly - Dude, I feel you. I do.
But I bet you don't want to be the Olly girls (see I HAVE watched E! entertainment).
Both of you: Love your blogs!

B said...

I cannot believe you forgot the coffee, but at least you got wine! And no iPhone? What happened???

Extranjera said...

B - I know?!?! What is with my brain?!?! How could I ever forget coffee...
Re the iPhone none of the places I went to had it and couldn't even get it. I'll have to go to a bigger place in Joburg to find one as opposed to the boondocks mall of technically Joburg, I guess.

marathoner81 said...

Ohhh..wine and ham! Two of my favorite things. I've seemed to develop a ham pita obesession and like to drink wine while I eat my pita.

Extranjera said...

Marathoner - Yup. It's all about the basics. And my utter inability to cook.