Thursday, August 27, 2009

The alien shall shrivel up and die - an incantation

My poor, poor ear.

"I feel for you, but I just can't ever know how it is for you, because I never, ever have a hard time sleeping."

By Extranjera, let out in connection with poor Gringa's sleeping issues

And ladies and gentlemen, as if you hadn't already guessed what happened, this is how I jinxed myself. I should have known better. Universe won't ever let you spout out things like that, and not let you get a taste of what it is that you have never, ever experienced.

It is now 1pm and I just woke up.

I attempted going to sleep at 2am last night, got in a nice 20 minutes, during which I had a weird dream about having to choose between two beautiful young men (one of whom was a doctor), which leads me to believe that since, in my absence, the Hubby has let his beard morph his countenance from a fearless viking warrior to what can only be described as a lecherous amish elder he should maybe rectify that, so that I can start dreaming about him again.

So, although it was an epiphanic 20 minutes of sleep, it didn't do much for me in the way of actual rest.

I kept trying. But something, be it jet lag or the other worldly life form impersonating my right ear, just wouldn't let me drift off.

What? A homegrown alien?

Yes, indeed. As far as the other worldly being attached to my scull goes, I am now on antibiotics because of a case of perichondritis and the alien should, according to the science of medicine, shrivel up and go away in a week (But what does medicine really know about aliens, I ask you?). I know there is a moral to this story and it might have something to do with 'doing your homework before showing up for class', but I think I'll still just go with 'stop and smell the roses', because I like that one better and that's just the way that I roll.

That, and antibiotics.

Thank Zeus for antibiotics.

At 5am, after having turned on the light three times in order to take note of my insightful thoughts (delirium, in the light of day), I started panicking about the alien and its motives. Would it want to kill me, or just mangle my ear? I decided that since I wasn't sleeping anyway I might as well get up and clean the infected piercing with alcohol and hopefully aid in the extermination of all things not of this world.

Turns out, I don't come in peace.

And that rubbing alcohol on a piercing gone very bad does not for a peaceful sleep make. Or peaceful anything.

After having quietly screamed into my fist for a good 10 minutes I ventured into bed again, right after making note into the notebook on my bedside table, of my serious intent to write an entire post about Hubby's propensity, while sleeping, to breathe through his nose, which obviously wasn't put on his face for that purpose since the air has a really hard time passing through it and consequently makes the man rattle purr in his sleep like a broken tram a sweet kitten. Which makes it very hard for other people to fall asleep.

Delirium, I tell you.

Finally, it was time for the kitten to leave for work and leave me to attempt to rest the top of my head on the pillow and consequently sleep in a part handstand, part half nelson like manner. Which, oddly enough I eventually succeeded in doing, only to wake up at 1pm with my arms completely numb and with creases on my forehead I'm not sure will ever go away, to frantic phone calls from the Hubby who had gotten himself into a frenzy over the alien and wanted to ferry me off to a hospital to get the being surgically removed.

I thought it best to get up and write instead.  

I'm pretty sure I feel better now.



Miss Footloose said...

Once upon a time in a faraway country I was given codeine for a painful case of overactivemammaryglanditis after given birth.

I actually tried desperately to STAY AWAKE because as soon as I closed my eyes there were black-caped witches riding on brooms all over the white clinic walls. Scary witches, honest.

I tell you, medicine isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just listen to the American pharmaceutical commercials on TV and the side effects listed: "Possible death, blindness, liver failure . . . talk to your doctor if this is the right cure for you."

Hope you sleep better tonight and the alien finds another victim.

Miss Footloose
Tales of the Globtrotting Life

Anonymous said...

I've had a few bouts with meds myself...I usualy try and go the naturall way now, when possible. You gotta just hate nights like that...hope tonight is better for you.

I just discovered your blog recently, and am enjoying greatly..
Thanx for sharing:)

lam├ęditerraine said...

Hmm for me every night is that way!
I really hate it when I can't sleep,and these past three or four days have been this way since I went to bed at 7 in the morning and woke up at 10'30am the same year.
It wasn't jet lag,it was partying and working xD

Well,you've got a new follower in me :)
Kisses :D

An Open Heart said...

Have you tried some good old fashioned aspirin and an ice pack? Those always seem to work for me....

I hope the alien dies, dies, dies! Where's Sigourney Weaver when you need her?


I'm Kim, by the way said...

Yikes! More of a souvenier than you bargained for from the Land of Enchantment? Should you have declared the alien at customs?

In any case, I hope sleep finds you soon.

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

See? The Mall is evil. It sucks you in with sweet talk and sorts of promises of shiny things and then BAM, it smacks you about the head and runs off with all your money.

Sandy K. said...

For your sleepless night, you may check out the "meme" I finally concocted based on your tag - and which my daughter got tagged to do, but said she didn't know if she should do mine because I hadn't done hers, which I couldn't remember even being invited to participate it, but it may have been early in my blogging days, before I was hyped on caffeine and addicted to reading totally hilarious bloggers who inspire me to get back to my own writing, which...and the saga continues.

Heal. Sleep. Write. And tell us what fancy do-dad you plan to wear when you can stand the pain?

Suze said...

Wine is the only way, to heal the 'alien' and to solve the sleep issues. Trust me, or any of the longhaul crew who you met on your journey home. Use the beautiful remedy of your residence!

ignominia said...

when I read that you had your ears pierced just before getting on plane I thought -oh oh, she in for a good infection. Planes are worse than hospitals, if one person has germs soon they will be everywhere kindly spread by the recycled air and everyone will land with colds, flu, pinkeye, the works. And since your immune system is down try not to over do it with the wine like Suze suggests especially considering that it may have adverse reactions with the antibiotics. Jet lag is a pain but a mild sleep aid (Tylenol or Exedrin PM are good) can help you, while keeping the pain down. Good luck and see you on the other side!

histreasure said...

Now i know i'm back home..and to the internet..i stil cant believe i missed the last days of tha vacay and survived..
Reading you is a delight and always gives me a good laff..
even when you r on about your jinxed self, sleeping issues and an alien keepsake of pain..

Heal soon.. and i saw, thank you..

omchelsea said...

Maybe you could lure the alien out with a strobe light? AND if that doesn't work you'll probably bring on some quasi-epileptic fit... and if you do that in the right place you can probably hit your head hard enough on something to get a solid eight hours. I'm just saying...

Optimistic Pessimist said...

do you think the man from mississippi on the plane...he was from mississippi, right?...put a curse on you? Maybe you need a witch doctor to take a look at that thing.

monica said...

Hmm...alien in your being.He won't be able to survive for long.Just pooh pooh him :P
On a serious note, i am not that able to suggest worldly ways.I am sure you shall win over this alien soon and get back to what you are good at.Again, i'll repeat. I am love with the way you metaphorically express your insightful thoughts.

Take rest and Be well soon :)

PS:I saw the movie GREASE! Yaay!
Awesome watch :)