Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Wannabe epiphanies, but really just learning what not to do.

I have successfully started the week in Albuquerque with my Mexican 'family'.

Yup. Turns out that it is not just my friend and her husband I am visiting, but also a sister and a niece, as well as some other family to arrive shortly. We all still get our own bedrooms though, so I'm cool. And the incessant farting is not keeping anyone from sleeping.

Whose farting, you ask.

Well, what do you think?

I have been having a lot of beans in various forms since I got here. I am visiting Mexicans after all, and when it comes to home-cooked Mexican food, I have no self control.

But noxious gasses aside, various epiphanies are emerging left and right, and while most of them have to do with cool new gum flavors and ads in People Magazine, and are induced by what has got to be serious over-indulgence in Starbucks products containing caffeine, some of them are more of the self-affirming just plain weird nature.

:: If you cannot find your way around a mall parking lot you can indeed blame it on (and I quote what I kept saying to myself in the car over and over) "the stupid one-colored blocks of clay that pretend to be buildings". Of course you can. I readily agree with myself. Getting lost in a parking lot is in no way related to any diminished mental capacity, this town just needs to paint with some different colors than sand and clay. Yes. Or put up large signs that say 'This way to Starbucks'.

:: There is no such thing as too much Starbucks regardless of what the author claims in the paragraph above. She doesn't know what she is talking about. She is just coming down from the caffeine high of the century.

:: Finnish genes make blowing bubblegum bubbles impossible. Do not dare tell me otherwise. We invented cellphones and host the world championships in air guitar, we don't need no stinkin' bubblegum bubbles.

:: It is possible to sew a chili shut, but it is best to remove the thread before eating. And after removing the thread it is best to wash your hands instead of sticking them in your eye. Unless you are desperately going after that pink-eye look so much in vogue these days.

:: The Rio Grande is less grande than anyone has ever let on. However, it does in fact exist, unlike other Hollywood-creations, such as Tarzan and comfortable air travel.

:: Even if someone's t-shirt says Salsero there are no guarantees that he will waste his precious salsa magic until someone in a matching outfit comes along.

:: Posing your Starbucks cup with your water and your book may not be considered normal. But at least you get to participate in interesting discussions. And marvel at how instead of skulking away, because they think you are a madwoman with a large purse that could possibly hide all sorts of evil, Americans will engage you and humor your need to photograph your latte(s).

:: In order for a cool new bloggy friend to recognize you in a restaurant perhaps guiding them to the picture where you are "the one being licked" is not the best thing. Hope I didn't scare her off.

But, I'm off to meet her. Let's hope she didn't take the photo as an invitation to anything...


ellen abbott said...

The Rio Grande was very grand before they starting putting all those damn dams on it.

julochka said...

i totally forgot to lick anyone at blog camp. now i'm so depressed. or perhaps i just need a latte.

do you think we've grown up, we're drinking latte instead of wine now aren't we?

Miss Footloose said...

Rivers can be such deep/shallow /wide disappointments.

Some years ago, in the Holy Land, I had a serious religious crisis: I was looking at a sad, unimpressive dribble of water and had to come to terms with the fact that this was the mighty river Jordan, deep and wide.

How does one go on after that?

Miss Footloose, wandering the world, searching for answers.


caroldiane said...

so glad you are back online - withdrawal from my daily laugh with you was sending me into a tailspin! enjoy your Starbucks indulgences!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

mall parking lots are confusing. i don't care what state, or even what country you're in...they really are quite hard to navigate.

omchelsea said...

I don't want to talk about how many times I've lost my car...it's obviously genetic. My mom does it all the time and hers has her name on it. (pers. no. plates.
Tell me you salsaed!

histreasure said...

Laffed out loud at the bubblegum impossibility.. and yes , i'm sure its the genes and has got nothing to do with your inability..and You mean no salsa yet..huh huh huh (shakes head three times) not good..i'm waiting with bated breath for that...

Marita Siddal said...

Ahaha. Grand! The photo reminds me of one in which I'm about to lick the ear of a Thomas Jefferson statue. Originality in snapshot posing is key.