Monday, August 03, 2009

What's an OFF day?

I woke up this morning feeling angry. I guess. That's what the Hubs says anyways. Apparently I'm not being nice (He only thinks this now? How lucky am I, and how oblivious is Hubs?).

So I decided to look at what could have caused this.

Warning: Please do not attempt to take the following content in any other way than as a look at how great I have it and how I should be counting my blessings instead of ripping people's (Hub's) heads off. Thank you.

So yesterday, Saturday, we went out to one of them fancy malls that have heating and restaurants instead of punishing the poor person at the driving range whose life I threaten every weekend by daring to attempt to find my backswing again, because it rained and our house suddenly remembered its closet desire to be a fridge and not a house. It was doing so well in therapy, but I guess it was really born a fridge in a house's outer shell, and there isn't much anyone can or even should do about that. Incidentally, the same goes for transsexual people, the house has informed me, and I have to say the house is onto something there.  

What was I saying? Human rights? Err...

Ah, yes. We were at the mall and browsing around the Apple store (because everything is so shiny and glittery and I'm attracted to both) and regardless of having been denied a cell phone contract by every single operator in this country (I'll just leave the explanation at T.I.A.) I decided I was going to go ahead and get myself an iPhone anyway. Dang it, I wanted one.

"Everyone else has one, and I want one too," I told the Hubs and made a face that he refers to as the 'my wife is not above making a very public scene like the 6-year-old that she is' face.

The Hubs asked for the 8GB version, at which point the opportunist sales person fixed me with a meaningful stare and quickly said: "We just got the new one, the 32GB one," which lead to me making a face even the name of which should never be revealed, because the face is just that powerful.

And made the Hubs get me an iPhone 3G S 32GB.

Without having a contract.

But because I really, really, really wanted one.

I also used the latter 'face' to get a pair of boots, and some other necessary (read: nice to look at and/or touch) things.

Like a nice Crumpler cover.

Then, as we finally made it back to the freezer substantially poorer than when we set out in the morning, per our long established routine in technical matters, I proceeded to have a meltdown after meltdown trying to get the phone unlocked, registered and charged (these being the details the devil might well reside in). And I won't even get into the humongous outburst of complete bewilderment that erupted in my fragile psyche when I was trying to figure out where in the name of Maryjane I was supposed to stick the prepaid SIM card.

"What in the HELL AND ITS PENGUINS is wrong with this piece of PENGUIN DROPPINGS phone," I screamed at the Hubs, who was using a technique referred to as 'the duck's back' and making as if I didn't exist. Since, after all, we'd had a little talk in the car on the way back about how setting up the phone was my responsibility, because Hubs has a hard time setting up stuff he is not allowed to touch, i.e. all things Apple that belong to me.

"WHO, and I ask you WHO in the name of hockey sticks and jello, designs these infernal machines?" I continued as Hubs surfed the world wide web quietly looking for some much needed guidance, which he eventually found and then gently guided me through what for a moment there could have perhaps reminded quite a few people of at home childbirth. There was a fair amount of "Now, breathe calmly. That's it, breathe in and out, in and out.... And now... PUSH."

In the end, thanks to the techno-viking ways of my very own Hubs, I finally made it onto the network, downloaded a few applications, and tweeted with my iPhone, and all seemed well.


Then the battery died. And after plugging the phone in it unceremoniously threw "This application does not allow for simultaneous charging" at my face accompanied by a big yellow triangle, and died again.

This is when it finally dawned on me. Again, the universe was giving it to me straight, and the only thing left to do was to ignore the stupid machine, get some more wine out of the fridge, lie back on the couch, and watch Lost.

Nothing more, nothing less.


Josefine said...

hahaha, no one ever calls me either.
but i didn't think that argument really held any water and alas, i also have an iphone i did not pay for, set up or even really know how to use.
although i know how to download bejeweled 2 onto it and apply my addictive (so i've been told) personality to said download... always something.

LordLynxx said...

A cell phone that costs more than 20$ isn't worth buying. First its all nice to have those extra and shiny features, but if you're not an ultra-busy manager, you won't be using them long.

My first cellphone cost 1HUF which is like a half cent and served me well for 5 years. :D

Is it only me who shrieks on the amount of money people spend on overrated applications?

Judearoo said...

Oh I got a new phone yesterday too! Nothing terribly fancy, but considering the last one resembled a bean can and a piece of string Im feeling rather smug and have a terrible desire to lick it. Hope iphone gods have a little mercy on you today. :)

Liliana said...

I only use my cell phone to make calls and send text messages, so I don't need such a fancy phone. However, they really are nice to look at, though I would never spend so much money on a device whose main function is to keep me bound to the world when the only thing I want to do is run away... :)

omchelsea said...

From someone tentatively making friends with her shiny new ipod, I hear you. But aren't they just SO awesome once you get them going (I shall refrain from pointing out that if you don't want/need the phone capability ipod touches are possibly lighter, therefore better?!)

Laila Of Course! said...

hahahahha. I know what you mean about technology. It's so evil sometimes. OH well.

Be sure and pop by & leave a note & follow! It would really make my day! :)


monica said...

Aww..i don't what to say or rather write. It's human to fall for shiny stuff but some how i don't know something weird happens with it in my case.I now know that i am not the only one :P

anna said...

You should download the bubble-wrap app as soon as possible. It will help the two of you bond. I know, I wouldn't have thought so either, but fake bubble-wrap has almost the same stress-relief properties as the real thing. The toilet-finder app also made me look at my iphone with a whole new level of gratitude...

Ajab Boparai said...

lol..... hard luck!

as for me, i'm 18, and have never owned a cellphone! Not that i'm complaining...hehehe

kristine said...

i live in a place where none of these things work (blackberries, iphones)- so I have no idea what it all means. I know there is something called apps (which allow you to identify rare birds, apparently), because i see the adverts on american cable TV, but other than that I am amazingly behind the times. Its incredible I am even online, you'd think I'd be sending you a telex. (what was telex, anyway?). As far as I am concerned, all of this stuff is basically just magic.

K13 said...

Sounds like it was QUITE painful to set up, so maybe I won't be so bummed about not being able to get one for the next bazillion years.

An Open Heart said...

Hmmmm...a new phone and iphone no less! What fun.....I hear ya on the technology thing and getting it all set up....I just got a new phone, so I could text easier....I'm somewhat challenged in the technology dept...I can just see you losing it when things weren't working out with the set up...much like I look when the computer "network" isn't complying with my every wish.....

Confessions of a DVR Addict said...

The iphone is amazing. You can tweet, facebook my space and yes blog away on it all day. It truly is like walking around with a laptop in your pocket that also acts as a phone. Oh.. and did you know there is an app that helps you find your car if you couldn't remember where you parked it? That comes in handy..LOL Enjoy!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

Your ordeal fills my heart with sadness. I wanted you to love it. I wanted you to tweet it was the best thing ever. I wanted you to be a part of the club. This is a devastating day indeed.

BUT at least your viking seems to be working, which let's face it, is way better than an iphone.

Andi Marie Smith said...

I really wanted an iphone but I don't have the celly phone network, so I got an ipod touch which is like the phone thing only without the phone and I can still go to the internet. But I have wifi. Yay for the viking!
and good blog! :)

Kyrie said...

Yes, it's always good to occasionally get lost in some wine. I hope all goes well for you.

Extranjera said...

Josefine - I hear ya. Although I'm falling more and more out of love with the iPhone... But it's still fancy and shiny to look at. That should count for something.

LL - I'm an ultrabusy manager of this here house. I manage. Do too! ;o)

And I think yes, you are.

Judearoo - So far not going good with the iPhone and this is the second one now. (Good cause I licked the first one). We'll see.

Liliana - I guess it's a question of where you're running to, and for me that is the internets, from the real world.

Chelsea - I have an iTouch which I never use because it doesn't have the 3G thing. I feel I need an iPhone for when our house internet goes down (sometimes for days as you know..)so that I can still do all that important stuff like tweet what I just had for breakfast, or how bored I am because there is no internet.

Laila - It is evil. It is.

Monica - I buy things solely based on their degree of shininess, or because I like how they feel against my cheek. yes, I'm normal.

Anna - Thanks for the suggestions. I was wondering what the hell kind of app that was. We'll just have to see if this phone they've now given me instead works better.

Ajab - Well, I'm from Finland, so I can barely remember a time I didn't own a cell phone, and my brother who is now your age surely can't remember not having one.

Kristine - It is magic. Magic by Google. I'm sure. (Also, if you're in the sticks why is your internet connection so much more stable than mine. I'm miffed now! I'm in a big city, for Zeus' sakes!)

K13 - Don't be! Like I said, not worth all the longing. It is shiny though...

An Open Heart - I don't like when technology changes. I hate setting things up. I wish I could just say please and Google would do everything for me... That technology development I AM looking forward to.

DVR addict - Thanks for the encouragement! I'm not loving it just yet.

Opie - When the iPhone fails at least I have a viking. And sadly, I don't think I'll ever be part of the club. There is even more to the misfortune story than this post, and I don't think it's quite over yet. Sad, sad indeed.

Andi - I also have the ITouch, and wifi, but when the network crashes (it's more down than up really) the iTouch is just as useless as my 'puter. That's why i felt I needed the iPhone. For the 3G

Kyrie - See, and I had to scroll through all of those comments before getting to one about wine. That's gotta be a record of some sort. I hear you on the wine though.

molly said...


My name is Erin. said...

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I want one, too! Sure I devote much of my day to losing my phone and then ignoring it when it rings, but I do believe a beautiful little iPhone is just what I need. With a cute little case. Maybe, just maybe, then I will finally understand the coolness of Twitter. And if I finally understand the coolness of Twitter, maybe, just maybe, I will actually be cool. Maybe.

P.S. I would never call you, but I would send frequent text messages like a 16 year old. And you do have to have a phone to receive text messages.