Monday, July 06, 2009

Universe poking at me. And not on Facebook either.

I would like very much to stay positive and all pleasant as not to scare anyone more than usual, but unfortunately the universe just keeps poking at me with one mother of a stick huge honkin' POLE (and not the kind that Polly is, 'cos that might even be nice or at least funny, but the kind that is 100% made of them things in the forest, and hurts like hell when it hits you in the gut, or in the back of your knees). So, in order to let off some steam and other fumes I will just have to talk about a few issues. Just a little bit. Because, boo hoo, my life is so hard.

And as if on cue the sun comes out. WTF universe?!?! Enough with the mind games already.  



So what now?

Well, for starters this house firmly believes that it is in fact a freezer. We have talked about it at length, revealed said belief as a delusion, but the house stands firm, and just won't heat up. The house maintains it was never meant to be a Tuscan piece of mockitecture and it has decided to come out of the closet and embrace its true identity as a common household appliance. To each its own. I can not but put on a third cardigan, and get some more coffee.

I mean, how long can this winter really be?

Two more months?!?!

You gotta be fokken kidding me?

Finns get cold too. They do.

Secondly, the golf coach today was quite appalled at what I have done to my technique whilst in Finland. Personally I was happy about not having injured, maimed, or killed anyone with the club or the ball and felt that I should be rewarded, not told that instead of rotating, I lift and straighten. Oh, woe, golf and sucking at it be thy name.

Believe me, coming from the mouth of a golf coach those are some harsh words and can bring tears to a grown man's eyes. Not being a grown man, I didn't cry though. I swore, and as usual will turn to drink later on today. Yup, any excuse will do, or sometimes even no excuse.

So much for being the next wünderkind of golf. And I almost had it in the bag hole. (Okay, nuff with the stupid puns. I agree.)

Thirdly, as I was leaving for golf this morning and got into my snazzy piece of that stuff you sometimes have to fish out from your drain that used to be a part of you Daihatsu it would not start. The light that I found out (after a search in the manual which I only resorted to because my computer was already turned off and Google had gone to bed in it) signifies 'engine failure' was burning bright yellow and nothing happened. Not even a sound. I think the light looks more like Texas and less like engine failure (no more stupid puns, please), but that might just be me. Still, I'm in it deep. Since I don't know how to change a tire, I for sure don't know how to fiddle with an engine block, unless 'engine block' is a euphemism and my mind is in the gutter. Then I'm game.  

Hubby is off to Tanzania tomorrow and I'm stuck driving the four wheel drive monstrosity I pretend does not reside in the garage (and I think has done something bad to my little Daihatsu while no one was looking) and hate owning.

Oh, and I just bit my tongue.

Damn you universe. Go bother someone else.

What war and famine? I have real problems.

29 comments:

Anandi said...

Hmmmmmm......it's rather hard to believe that it's winter somewhere (a corner of my brain, infected by science and general knowledge does belive it) when I feel like someone's jacket potato, all because of the heat in my part of the world.

I can't comment on the golf bit because my knowledge of the sport extends to Tiger Woods, yyour blog, and a junior (who played nationals) whom my seniors reduced to tears in the school bus.

Please keep writing so I can scavange for more tomorrow to brighten my day.

Wishing you my share of heat

Anandi

Sandy K. said...

Our home is also a refrigerator, which is why I happily posted about the joys of summer today. We get SO frustrated with the cold which permeates our bones all winter - thank you for another item to add to my "grateful" list!

I don't golf, for many of the reasons you mentioned.

Molly said...

Ah, you're becoming a true Souf Efrikan housewife... Bitching about the lack of central heating in this country and driving your husband's 4x4 to Woolies. Good stuff.

Just Jules said...

Seriously - had I known earlier this kind of human suffering was going on I would have started a committee to conquer the problem. However, I live in America - so if I were you I wouln't hold your foggy from the cold breath because it will be stuck in committee for far too long and by the time a decision is made you will have fixed or replaced your vehicle and your house will again be warm because that many seasons will have changed. But, I will write to my local representative now ;)

Argent said...

Hello, came here via Blogs Of Note - and noteworthy it is! Great reading, I'll be dropping by again.

rxBambi said...

I also had to stop and think about it being the middle of winter there. Obviously I knew it (I have a doctorate after all) but it seems so odd to have winter in july and summer in december. You need to take out that awesome camera of yours and show what south africa looks like in the winter...please

Sara said...

Ha, I could just see someone poking you with Polly (hopefully not too hard).

On the brighter side, I have heard that houses that think they were born to be freezers get over it just in time to remember that they also had an oven on their mother's side of the family (in about 6 months).

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

I think that the Universe was simply tired of kicking me in the ass and turned around to kick you for a while. I am very sorry for this. Usually universe has so much to mess up for me, does not focus on others. Will post something positive on my blog today so to take pressure off you.

Space Mountain Man said...

You are pathetic.

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

This morning I watched my husband finish mowing the lawn with a three wheeled lawn mower since the fourth decided to just fall off. I couldn't help but giggle. SIlly universe. Oh, I wonder if it is more likely that your home believes itself to be an igloo since it is still a kind of house rather than an appliance. Does it make ice? I think this could be the defining characteristic of the freezer theory.

Just A. Girl said...

Space Mountain Man - "I am the Space Mountain Mountaineering Man. I hunt rabid space raccoons with my space gun on my floating space mountain. I contemplate philosophical possibilites."

I believe that says it all.

armyblond said...

cute, cute ... have blog will follow :)

spudballoo said...

Take shitty stick and poke golf coach, house, dead car and 4x4 with it. Then burn it for heat?

shypii90 said...

hey
i just signed up to blogging and came across yours and it's very interesting :).. you sound very energetic.

i'm fascinated by how you're a Finn living in South Africa and it's WINTER there! (I'm in the Northern Hemisphere so the current heat is killing me)... I think i'll read some of your fascinating posts :)

julochka said...

i'm sorry to hear that your house is possessed by a major appliance. again, i say, you should just come back. it's cooled down a bit, but is still very summery. and the blue room is waiting for you. :-)

Renee said...

You got blog of note! That's gotta count for something. The universe has smiled upon you. Congrats. :)

Serranias said...

Smile papa

RizO said...

my experience in lifes beuty ends at the fish and chips shop and the closest i'vegot to a view is on my balcanny... (i live in a flat/appartment) i wish i could do what you do but for now im saving up for my trip of a life around 50 countries on the globe i will be.

when i do ill send pictures on my blog plus im only 18! lol got a loooong time to go...

Optimistic Pessimist said...

I want to go and be mean to Space Mountain Man, but I just don't have it in me - I'm not that kind of person. Not to mention that I don't want to up his stats by clicking to visit his page.

Sorry to hear about your car. I had to drive a large truck recently and I kept pulling over on narrow roads because I was afraid I was going to hit the other cars on the road.

p.s. I have high speed internet now so I'll be stalking more regularly!

Georgie K. Buttons said...

Don't PUNish me!!! And as for the temperature, I'll trade you. Does 99.5 degrees Fahrenheit sound good? Because you can have it. I don't want it. ;)

Whitney said...

LOL! I am sorry about your freezer. If I can figure out how to send my heat your way (110°F today), I will get right on that...

Spring and fall are the best seasons anyway...

Miss Demented said...

stumbled upon this refreshing read out of nowhere. keep it up! =)

Steffi said...

Hey I came by here by "Blogs Of Note" and I love it... nice to hear that there are other people out there who contemplate some of the same bullshit I do, or have thoughts they aren't afraid to put to keyboard. Keep up the work, I'll be back... Just getting my latest and hopefully good one going... this one will be all about whatever I wanna talk about... nice... and yes, it IS all about me... and you, cuz it's your site... :)

Lisa-Marie said...

Oh Dear, have a hug ({) (thats an instant messenger hug, as i can't give you a real one). My house is the opposite at the monet, much to warm, as Scotland has suddenly decided it is a country that has a summer(wtf?!).

Don't worry about the golf, and remember,t he man is giving you into trouble becuase it's his job, and you are paying him, so you can swear at him(quietly) and its almost ok.

M.J.Y said...

Haha, a very entertaining blog, certainly worth the blog of note.
Really enjoyed reading it - shame about it being winter where you are, here in the UK recently (until yesterday) it's been lovely and warm (not to rub it in).

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L.C. said...

Okay. The golf thing. My late Dad was like the Arnold Palmer of his friends. I had a hard time just hitting the damn ball let alone getting a nice drive down the fairway. Once I swung at the ball so hard out of frustration that I lost control and smacked myself in the back of the head with a wood. Let's see Mr. Golf Coach keep a straight face with that. I think that's why I drink now.

Hannah said...

I enjoy reading your blog.

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Emmis said...

Haha i love this blog! Ja hämmentävää että olet suomalainen, koska et vaikuta suomalaiselta;) Mikä on siis hyvä asia mun mielestä ja ehkä näköjään sunkin mielestä! Mut kirjotat aivan mielettömän hyvin ja hauskasti jajajaja joo=)