Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Don't go gently into that good night

Here I am, on Hubby's computer stealing company internet to do my blogging, while I really should be finding porn sites to surf to create that little bit of excitement that would make the day of any bespeckled IT professional monitoring the current traffic. 

And speaking of porn, guess what I've been doing with all this analog time in my hands?

Indeed.

Crocheting. What else?

How exactly is crocheting linked to porn? you might be asking yourself right now (I still am, and will just come up with some potentially offensive nonsense now). Well, the connection is not instantly transparent, but this is how I see it:

You wade through leather boots, whips, giant diapers, ropes and such and find yourself just south of the fringe. Then, you proceed at a high speed, for about a couple hundred miles away from the center, you take a left at animal costumes, after which you continue down the road towards a little corner referred to as sheep, you skirt around pee and poo, and then take a leap, and voila, you're at crochet. And there's no way back.

Exactly. Potentially offensive nonsense.

Lucky for you my dear readers, links like this come up when you are left alone with your thoughts for a whole day, and the only discussion you have in the span of nine hours goes like this:

Maid: Whar is the mot?

Me: Do I have what?

Maid: Noh, the mot?

Me: More?

Maid: Noh, the mot?

Me: More? What?

Maid: MOT!

Me: WHAT?!?!

Maid: I want to eyen.

Me: What?!?!

Maid: EYEN!

Me: Please clean the patio furniture. Thanks!

And this is only day one without internet. Yup.

29 comments:

Maedin Tureaud said...

I can fully understand how difficult it must be to write when you're really thinking about surfing porn so you can excite someone's otherwise dull job. It's really very generous of you! IT professionals all over South Africa would be grateful, indeed! Not sure your husband would have appreciated it quite as much though . . .

Shane P said...

I would never have expected 6 degrees of separation of porn and crocheting. Sheep, pee, and poo oh my what a tangled web we crochet.

monica said...

Ahemm...Potentially offensive nonsense indeed!
Though my understanding eludes me here, i didn't really get that link between porn and crocheting.Shucks!!Never Mind

Kaiserin Sisi said...

such is our life... never a dull moment :-)

spudballoo said...

What? No photo of the pee/poo/crochet offering? Shabby...you see, one day without interweb and you've completely lost touch with reality. I'm worried. I think I will knit you some bandwidth and fedex it over.

Suecae Sounds said...

Did you ever find out what youe maid was talking about? Maybe she was musing on about porn!

Steve Wood said...

You should join our fpf (Free Porn Friday) club. We send each other porn off all sorts.

The bizzare and just plain sick are the most preferable.

Jay said...

What is MOT? or is it mop? I enjoy your post.

Esmerelda said...

I'm going to go home tonight, kiss my husband and immediately look up how to crochet.

Liz said...

Popped over from "Blogs of Note" and am cracking up! What is a Mot? Thanks for the laugh!

Judearoo said...

... Method. Of. Torture perhaps? Or maybe a mop? Hmmm... do let us know, if you ever find out yourself.

Critty Critty Bang Bang said...

I bet she was asking for some Mott's apple juice. *=-P
Nothing like a nice, cool glass of apple juice on a day as hot as satan's balls. *=-)

I really enjoy your blog!

ellen abbott said...

Ahhh, stealing the internet. Very clever.

Winterswan said...

Well put and highly hilarious!!!

Cyndy said...

Porn? I thought you were into CORN!

Laila Of Course! said...

Ahahhahaha. LOVED the post. :) Brightened my day!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

YOU'RE HERE EVEN IF ON HUBBY'S INTERNET! YAY!

Jaye @ canadian-mom.ca said...

Great post! Definitely made me chuckle - I'll be back for more! :)

lyndseywiley said...

Love your humor! In a strange sort of way, it reminds me of my mom... It should be disturbing, but totally a feeling like comfort food... Nevertheless, found on you on Blogs of Note, and so So SO glad I did!

Kirsi said...

Crocheting... Yeah right =)

And once again, please be patient with the maid, otherwise it'll be you looking for mot and eyen =) Would you find them? I'm so laughing here! Love ya!

Lillie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lillie said...

'd like to know what you are crocheting... some sort of porn apparatus maybe? A gimp mask perhaps? or a crocheted cat o'nine tails?

Perhaps 'mot' is really 'mod' short for modem?

Love your blog - very entertaining!

histreasure said...

i knew despite wat u said yesterday, that i'l find u here and here u are, as refreshing as ever..yay!!

Francheska said...

You are so funny!

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

The other day I got excited about crocheting a dog sweater. I have never once put my dog in a sweater and it's about 85-90 degree's here most days. Why in the world was I excited, I don't know. Honestly, I don't think the dog likes it. He keeps giving me dirty looks. I think it's the big collar and rugby stripe that bothers him. He may be more of the rounded collar simple black type. I will keep that in mind for next summer.

gymnstxlvr said...

as i usually say, wow.

Check out my blog

dazeoffriendz.blogspot.com
faith

L.C. said...

Omg I can't stop laughing...

Tazana said...

Just awesome! Loving this!

Jess said...

ahhaha. that post was great.
lol enjoyed readingg it (: