Monday, July 27, 2009

My wonderful weekend and consequent downfall

No Lucille Ball like mishaps this time around, unless you count accidentally driving into Joburg central (one of them bigger no nos in company provided safety regulations) and touring it like it was an exciting touristy site, while we were really trying to make it to Newtown, a nice revamped, much safer area near the downtown.

But I tell you, people were really nice, welcoming, they smiled (apart from the drug dealers, who were probably just wondering whether we were looking to score some [we weren't], or whether we were really stupid 'undercover' cops), helped us with finding a parking spot, and apart from waving at us or shaking our hands, did everything in their power to make us feel welcome.

So take that downtown Joburg, you will no longer qualify as the big scary monster in my nightmares. Didn't even see nothing of the protests going on at the moment. people just smiled at us (note: NOT laughed at us).

However, as something was bound to happen, I seem to have gotten sick. And when I get sick I don't just get a fever and sleep for a few days. No sirree. Even in illness I have to feel special and different.

And you can forget about me going to the doctor. I just might be the worst hypochondriac in existence: I constantly think I'm dying of some horrible disease, but I refuse to go to a doctor, because that might mean... well... that they might just touch me. I'm a Finn, we don't take kindly to that sort of behavior. And based on a year of me walking around with a grape size stone in my gallbladder and a fair week with an infection before emergency surgery at 2AM I'm pretty good at ignoring a pain if it also means avoiding going to the doctor.

You know, the doctor might have wanted to stick one of them popsicle sticks in my mouth and look at my tongue. Shudder. I'll take severe pain any day now over such a horrendous experience.

But this time around I think I need Dr. House to diagnose me, because Google is not doing it's usual part.

My symptoms include but are not limited to:

  • One bright pink eye.
  • Stiffness of second joint of left pinky
  • Pain and stiffness in left middle finger
  • Stiffness of right pinky around the joint that attaches the finger-dealio to the palm.
  • One numb toe on right foot. 
  • Pink spots on my tongue.
I'm seriously weirded out by the fact that my illness seems to be mainly related to 'pink' (Pink and pinky. A coincidence? I think not!), and it does not escape my Sherlock-esque powers of deduction that this is the singer I was once compared to by the Blog Camp folks and that these are the cupcakes I tasted this past weekend:

I also might have tried the other ones, but that is beside the point and doesn't fit in my conjectures right now.

I see a connection forming here. Don't try and reason with me - I'm already off.

Right now, I'm somewhere between P!nk, gout, scurvy and something called a Besniec-Boeck-Schaumann disease.

What do you mean by 'blowing out of proportion'?


Jay. said...

It's better safe than sorry. Who knows, you might have some kind of fatal preventable illness that could have been cured in it's early stages. Not trying to scare you or anything, but a simple check up can safe your life. And all of us would be sad if you were gone. Stay alive. And blog for us. Please?

monica said...

C'mon yar...a check up won't harm you but procrastination can.It's not easy to overcome fears n all.
Go ahead! for the sake of your loyal readers..plzzzzz :)

Sandy said...

I'm with you on the doctor thing most of the time, at least hospital ERs. If you aren't sick on going in, you WILL be when you leave!

I've mentioned we visited SA a few years ago and drove around Joburg a bit. Could write a post on that.

Well, last week we were in a little local diner for breakfast (first time there) and sitting at the counter was a dude wearing a Harley t-shirt that said Joburg! Don't see that every day in our little part of the world.

Feel better soon!

kristina said...

pink, huh? can't be good. get yourself to the doctor! he'll probably just prod your eye with a stick, nothing to worry about... ;-)

Laila Of Course! said...

AHH! That definitely sounds like those pink cupcakes had SOMETHING to do with your pink symptoms! Hurry! Call Dr. House!!!
I hope you get well soon, though, before House has to step in. Otherwise that would be awfullll.

Be sure and stop by and leave me a note! And would you like to exchange blog links?


Cham said...

Have you watched House?? If you went to him for a diagnosis, it'd be something god-awful and they'd put you through so many neardeath experiences before they got it right!! I'd head to a real doc asap and get a diagnosis of pink eye with an acute addiction to RockBand, thus the stiff fingers.


Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

Hmmm....clothes fairy. I had NOT thought of that. Genius I tell you! Well, off to the store to get some twine, gumdrops, a stick, a box and a nice Vouvray. It could be a long night of trap setting but BLAMO!...won't that clothes fairy be surprised. Thank you so much for the insight. I hope your pink disease gets better soon. Watch out for the reflex hammer. I hear those things can poke an eye out.

julochka said...

i think i know what it is. it's a rare and relatively new disease it's called analogorrhea and it only happens when you step away from the internet for too long. get back in front of your 'puter and you'll be fine in no time...

but seriously, god bedring! i hope it's nothing serious!!

Extranjera said...

jay - Staying alive doesn't necessarily need to involve a doctor. Google will suffice. No?

Monica - I dunno. I hear bad things can happen with them popsicle sticks...

Sandy - Looking forward to your Joburg post!

Kristina - I bet House wouldn't poke my eye. Even with a stick.

laila - Glad someone is following my train of thought.

Cham - Man, You're better at diagnosis than Google has been today. Thanks!

Robyn - Now that's more like it. Trap the little bastard. that's what I would do if I was woman enough to leave the house and buy me the necessary supplies.

julochka - and we have a competing diagnosis. What to do, what to do?

lyndseywiley said...

Reminds me of my daughter's favorite book: Pinkalicious... You did have the pink cupcakes, yes? Perhaps a case of pinkititis? The cure: eat all of your green vegetables, and nothing pink.... Well, that's what the book says anyway.

Lorac said...

It is not always pleasant going to the doctors. Believe me I know! Sometimes though, it must be done! It sounds possibly like pink eye. Which is very contagious to others. Fever can make your joints ache. The numb toe? Pinched nerves in the neck. May want to get it checked out to be sure and safe. Nothing very serious but requires medical attention

An Open Heart said...

Maybe some weird Joburgian bug stung or bit you whilst you were touring about? And, the bug was pink and that's how they infect you? with their pinkness.

My suggestion, pound some water, lots of it....should rinse your system out and whatever is 'bugging' you. You can still have the wine and coffee, just add a couple gallons of water over the next couple of days.

Extranjera said...

Lyndsey - THAT"s what it is. Thanks for that! I'm off to eat some stir fry right away. Most of it is veggies, I promise. Also, feel free to use me as a warning example to your daughter.

Lorac - Thanks for the info. I'm really just hermitting it up and the pink has changed to more of a soreness, so I'm not sure whether it's pink eye. Will go to a doctor if I'm not better by tomorrow.

An open heart - Could have been. A pink bug. Could have been. I promise to also take in some water. Really I do.

Thanks so much all of you for your concern. Warms my pink heart!

Sara said...

Well, a proper House diagnosis is a good place to start. They always seem to start with "It's lupis" (or they get there shortly if they didn't start there). So you should get tested for that first.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

What's wrong with google that it's not diagnosing you. Why just recently it diagnosed me with ADHD.

Better get searching.

Smoothoperator said...

Still trying to find out what to do with my life.....

Mellow zone

kristine said...

sorry to not address your debilitating illness but I am still giggling at the idea of them hiring you as an undercover cop in joburg.

Extranjera said...

Sara - But getting tested for that would also involve a doctor touching me, neh? But if it comes down to going to the doctor I'll be sure to remind them of that specific test.

Opie - Google's not cooperating the way that it is supposed to. I expect more than this from a higher being!

Smooth - Me too. But I think you might have gotten that from the title as well?

Kristine - I would so rock being an undercover cop in Jozi (what makes you think I'm not? I used to work for the girl scouts, remember?). I'm down with that. Am too!

Suze said...

Hope you feel better soon. Can I have the cupcakes if you don't want them anymore?

almost70 said...

Your blogs are hilarious, and I love them! I empathasize with your hypochondria thing because I used to always think I had Hydrophobia. Don't worry dear one, you will outgrow it.