Thursday, July 16, 2009

Towards a better internet-tomorrow

There are no updates on when my internet will be returned to me. The situation is fast approaching complete chaos and mayhem. These are in no way mutually exclusive and can easily be instigated by one single person. Me.

I'm going all viking here folks.

But before that I'll wax all poetic.

It is now day two since the darkness of unconnectedness descended on me like an angry swarm of...

Hey honey. What are them things that swarm?

Uhm? Bees? Mosquitoes? Squirrels? Oh hey how about having some Mexican food tonight? Fancy some tacos, mamacita?

No, honey! Focus! Swarmy things?

Huh?

Okay. Whatevs. FINE. Think about dinner. What do I care.

It is now day two since the darkness of unconnectedness descended on me like an angry swarm of them things that swarm. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm here by myself as alone as...

Hey, honey. What is like the most lonesomest animal in like the whole bunch?

Sorry? A bunch of what?

Of animals, dumbass. Of animals.

Oh, so now I'm a dumbass, because I'm thinking of dinner and not paying attention to you, while you sit with your nose in my computer, using my work connection, while I could be working.

Playing Mafia Wars on fokken Facebook. That's what you would be doing. ....grumble...fokken...doesn't pay attention...grumble...

It is now day two since the darkness of unconnectedness descended on me like and angry swarm of them things that swarm. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm here by myself as alone as a deer in the headlights.

Hey, honey. What's the 'deer in the headlights' thing again? Alone, right?

The what in the whatlights now?

A DEER in the headLIGHTS. That's what.

Uhm. Pumpkin. I think that actually means that you're like frozen or like paralyzed or something. I think.

Aw. Fok you man. What do you know about writing, anyways. If I wanted to know about sitting on my ass in an office and writing all sorts crap on the computer all day long I'd come to you, but now I'm talking about writing my blog.

Pumpkin, you make it too easy. I won't even make that joke. I won't.

Fok you man.

It is now day two since the darkness of unconnectedness descended on me like an angry swarm of them things that swarm. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm here by myself as alone as a deer in the headlights. The only thing that I can do is to live in hope of a better tomorrow. Of an internet connection that will not be spotty nor die on me constantly. The internet connection of tomorrow.And dinner.

It's tacos.

Still no sign of internet.

What to do folks? What to do?

33 comments:

Josefine said...

"Oh, so now I'm a dumbass, because I'm thinking of dinner and not paying attention to you, while you sit with your nose in my computer, using my work connection, while I could be working."

hahaha, this sounds like something out of the mouth of mah man. as does the response.

i'm very much loving your blog, and was just about to leave the house when i, hrrm, accidentally hit the refresh button and saw your update. needless to say i will be stuck in here for at least another hour now.
not that i mind.
i actually kind of prefer it.

Josefine said...

ha, i meant that the response sounded like me. not him. i would never put up with such rudeness.

Just me said...

Now this just won't do...I'm addicted to your writing now. Screams of horror for you at the day 2 mark.

The internet gods will just have to fix it. One must just explain you have fans who will perish of new & unexplainable illness...Hey, it could work.

Loved the post btw.

Mara said...

What a beautiful poem. You husband doesn't seem to understand the importance of blogging as opposed to the importance of work. blogging > work always.

Kaotic said...

What to do, what to do, what to do...

Oh sorry, wrong song...

I just want my internet, my internet, my internet...

Right words, right song, wrong mantra, me thinks...

Okay, tacos it was!

See ya later alligator.

~~~Back to the grind~~~

monica said...

Hell! Those lines couldn't have been better.
I soo envy your wittism and off the hook stuff.
Jussst loooved this one!
As for the internet, be patient with it.i know 2 days are like TWO DAYS!!

Michael Malone said...

Funny lady, you made me smile on my way off to work this morning. Hope you enjoyed the tacos, although as I read your blog it is not even 8am and the thought of eating tacos is like, yuuuuuuuk.

Avantika A. said...

When my internet goes down i usually pray to all 36 thousand gods of the Indian pantheon! Doesnt help since there seem to be some other universe for internt gods. But it does serve to distract me with wondering why 36 thousand!!! :P

Kaiserin Sisi said...

As always, a fun read!

Judearoo said...

Lack of forthcoming good tidings re. internet evidently having its effect. Am sensing the development of nervous twitch..?

Angelina said...

It is interesting how we get so attached to being connected by the internet, whatever did we do before????

when mine goes down, the disconnectedness is palpable, I also press refresh like it is some kind of magic button. It is like there is more important things going on in the net than real life, and we can't help feeling like were missing out.

Maybe an idea would be to go out and take some great pictures of your world, anything, just go outside...

MYSUESTORIES said...

Only one thing TO do....Get your tacos at Taco Bell and hope they have free Wi Fi!!!!!!!!!

sciencegirl said...

what to do? Have some kick-ass tacos and a couple of icy-cold ones!

ellen abbott said...

Not having a laptop, I unhook my desk computer and take it with me to the country house with dial-up (dial-up fer chrissake) because 3 days unconnected is just to much to ponder.

I feel your pain.

Just A. Girl said...

"them things that swarm" - ha ha, reminds me of the little boy in the movie I just saw. Australia. You would love it as the boy's humor is much like yours (and he's only 7 maybe 8). I think he calls sex, the backside of bidness or something like that. My husband says that shit all the time. "When we gonna do some backside of bidness?"

gymnstxlvr said...

um, wow. again. WHY DONT I EVER HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO SAY ON HERE?

faith
dazeoffriendz.blogspot.com

Confessions of a DVR Addict said...

You are so much fun to read. You're like the Seinfeld of internet blogging.. I look forward to your blogs.. Thanks

Maddis said...

I simply love the conversation above. And your blog. LOVES.

Velveteen Rabbit said...

Have just discovered your blog...sheesh seems I have a lot of catching up to do....
Love it so far ....

Georgie K. Buttons said...

Have you got a library near by? You could use that to pass the time.

Here's a word for you from the verification: berherbe. Possibilities?

Devin Durbin said...

What a poem, what a conflict, and argument. It was very good read. It made me laugh at the silly insane things that happen in a day at any odd time.

rxBambi said...

Very funny stuff here, which is not a good thing as I busted out laughing - in the pharmacy - as some sick woman came up to me to ask my advice and I'm snorting all over myself. Oh well. There's always tomorrow, hopefully a better tomorrow...

Tazana said...

I love this blog! U rock!

Just Jules said...

It is time to go cyber I am afraid (vs postal)....

lahnna said...

I don't find many people who have read The God Small Things. Thank you.

Jay said...

awesome

Suecae Sounds said...

You are now officially queen of blogdom. This is hilarious!

MeanDonnaJean said...

Looks like I'm just gonna have to send MDJ's Computer Guru Guy to the rescue....

....and tonite he can be yers for just the low low price of only $19.95, plus shippin' & handlin'.

But WAIT! If ya act right NOW 'n ya call within the next 20 minutes I'll DOUBLE yer order. Thaaaat's riiiiight! You'll get TWO Computer Guru Guys for the price of ONE.....if ya pay only a small additional shippin' 'n handlin' fee, which will be charged to the credit card we have on file.

So don't miss out on this folks. Call RIGHT NOW!

Oh alright alright....since its for YOU, I'll cut the price in half....'n I'll nix the s/h fee.

But hey, I gotta try to make a buck SOMEHOW ya know!

Maggie May said...

what a fascinating life/brain you have! glad to have found you. i'm a writer who dreams of travelling like this...but with three children zero dollars= grounded so far

My name is Erin. said...

Fok.

Winterswan said...

I'm loving your blog as well-what a great wit you have! I hope you get your internet back soon.

Carleigh said...

i like the bit about Mafia Wars.
:D

kristina said...

Ja ja ja ja! And that IS me laughing in mexican ;-)