Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A musical lull

Regardless of some threats I received in the comments to my last post (Hullo Judearoo) to do with pitchforks and lanterns (I don't know which one is scarier, a pitchfork or the weapon of mass destruction, also known as a lantern?) in case there ever was a lull in my blogging, I'm here to tell you of just such a potential, veritable lull.

What?

What?

What?

But surely she'll cease to exist if she does not chronicle every shower that she doesn't take with meticulous attention. She'll become a shadow of herself, a person whose only activities are golf, reading and the occasional pee, before she withers away completely and croaks, bites the dust, hangs up her clogs for good, and goes ahead and dies.

What?

So what actually is going on, is that, since we know Mandela personally (please don't take this literally, since I'm probably already under surveillance for tweeting, blogging and commenting about stalking him) and can send him after anyone we choose like a pack of polar bears with the polar-bear munchies, the internet provider has finally agreed to improve our flailing webby connection.

Or they got tired of my incessant wailing.

Either way. There is some 'down time' scheduled for this week, which, if this is actually African time, could mean this month, but hopefully not this year. Although there have been promises of complimentary internet connection in some office building somewhere on this here estate, my experience is that upon arrival to said building with my laptop all ready to blog my little heart out, I'll only encounter locked doors and lots of raised eyebrows and shrugs from the guards, who will then, as soon as I turn my back, start making fun of the 'gullible European'.

They won't laugh in my face though, because, sadly, I'm much bigger than any of them and could possibly take most of them in a number of forms of close range combat. Now that I think of it, I'm conflicted. I don't know whether I should be proud that I'm double the size of a Zulu man, fearful because our estate only seems to employ Zulus that are on the small side (where do the big ones go?), or sad that I'm even contemplating whether I could take someone in close combat, be they Zulu or not. Usually, I'm not at all physically aggressive.

Still, they won't let me in the building, because "Madam, we have no internet."

And sure enough they don't.

I really wish I was more organized and could write a bunch of posts to be published every morning for this week on some dazzlingly excellent topics, such as 'Now the car is fixed, why is she still not leaving the house to go anywhere?', 'Does it count as a shower if you wash your hands all the way to the elbows?', or 'The finer points in clothing your pug so that it simply cannot be sexed.', while I finally finish either Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco or Den Afrikanske Farm by Karen Blixen, instead of hitting 'refresh' like a mad woman. But alas, my organizational skills are pretty much limited to remembering where I left the computer the night before (recently, due to some undisclosed moments of panic and distress, I make a point of remembering where I park it ever night), and the science of making a good cup of organic filter-coffee.

So just in case I, tonight (or last night, depending on when I set this post to publish), end up curling up into a lifeless (read: off-the-grid) ball and dying in the blogosphere sense of the word (which translates to 'will be back by Friday'), I'll leave you with a list of musical issues to ponder, as these issues have been consuming me lately.

Not really, but I'm thinking of them now.

:: Is it okay for me to like Eminem? I know I'm supposed to abhor gangsta rap, but he's not that, is he? I really do, so badly, want to be a proper feminist and would hate for my love for Eminem to stand in the way of embracing my chosen -ism. Please.

:: Where exactly is Butcher Holler? And does it even exist? It sounds awfully gimmick-y.

:: When did I manage to learn the lyrics to Sir Mix A Lot's Baby got Back and how much of my brain are they currently taking up? I don't feel this is a good use of my limited capacity.

:: What does Madonna really sing in La Isla Bonita? And do I even want to know? Or do I just want to hold onto the way I would sing the song in fluent Finglish like I did when I was 10 years old?

:: Same question goes for George Michael's Careless Whisper. How does this chorus strike your fancy: An I neva gonna dance again/ guilty feeling got no rhythm/ oh it's easy to pretend I know yam not a fool/ should've known better than to chain a friend/ wasted chance that I'd been given/ so I'm neva gonna dance again the way I danced withoo-oo? Once again, but with feeling please. 

:: Can I still love Madonna regardless of her muscles desperately trying to escape her skin, and despite her questionable methods of becoming an adoptive parent? Not in that order.

:: Is Hubby off his rocker for loving me after my impromptu performance of Luis Miguel's Si tu te Atreves on Friday night shortly before dinner. I know all of Luis's moves, and can do his awesome finger pointing action to a T.

In this fashion.

Oh and I'm only now finishing the broccoli salad I made on Friday, so some lull in the blogging could also be caused by food poisoning.

I laugh in the face of danger.

31 comments:

ses said...

In answer to the comment about the maid using Pledge...you always say Thank you because face it, life is good with a maid even if they turn your laundry pink or use toxic cleansers. Thank fucking God I don't have to clean the toilet. My maid washed my daughters wool coat so now it could fit your neighbor's pug. Maybe I should send it to them. Anyhow, I love Eminem and Madonna, not necessarily in that order, and I would classify myself as a feminist. So there is one on your side. I wonder how they'd feel about your title of trophy wife. Who do we ask, anyway? Gloria Steinem?

Eidothia said...

@ses - A feminist trophy wife.... LOL
@Extranjera - Was there some pun I missed in reading the 'chain/cheat' part of careless whispers?... And funny that I just blogged abt my maid in the morning ;)

Judearoo said...

HAHA! Excellent. And I think you could take on any zulu with or without fore-mentioned pitchfork....

Nothing wrong with an eclectic music taste either for that matter and compliments on the finger action...

*sits back, gets comfy and waits for the next installment with a happy sigh*

Josefine said...

I love Madonna in the way I imagine a mother of a criminal loves their child. Not for the choices they've made and what that has lead them to become, but rather the young lace glove wearing creator of classics such as "Lucky star", "Like a virgin" and "Vogue".
I guess that last bit applies more to Madonna than the imagined criminal child, but that's beside the point.

ellen abbott said...

When my daughter was 13, I took her to the 'Like A Virgin' Madonna concert. I probably had a better time than she did. I was not at all prepared for the show to be so fabulous.

Kaotic said...

With that variety of music playing around in your head, you, my girl, will never be bored.

Just remembered a scene from FRIENDS where Ross and Rachel sing "Baby got back" to their baby...or did I get it wrong..hmmm....nah, think the old grey cell is still ticking!:D

J A Harnett-Hargrove said...

Thanks for sharing the cinematic parts of your life...-Jayne

Jay said...

very funny

Sarah Lulu said...

I find I know most of the Eminem lyrics which sometimes does scare me and makes my 18 year old son scream laughing.

I fear Madonna's muscles ....I do.

monica said...

Wowww...lotss a music in there!
Another feather in your cap(Page actually!)

*jean* said...

i say, if you got the moves, you got the groove....ain't no rules about it....

i have adopted you as my morning coffee yaya girlfriend....

rock on...

K13 said...

Oh Madonna...Madonna...Madonna.

Luis Miguel - love love love him!!! I used to listen to him all the time when I was living in Mexico. I like this new song!!!

Chrys said...

I can now secretly imagine a duet with Madonna and Eminem......

gymnstxlvr said...

wooow. thats all i can think to say.

faith
dazeoffriendz.blogspot.com

Optimistic Pessimist said...

It's true...you have mentioned stalking mandela, you even left a comment about it on my blog once. It's a well known fact.

Also - Baby Got Back is my karaoke song of choice. I think it's the least offensive song I can sing because it requires very little singing. People do not take kindly to my singing voice for some reason.

Sandy K. said...

I am sure when you return from your "quiet time," we will be regailed with tales which will curl our hair (and mine could desparately use some curling)! That's metaphorically as well as physically.

I laugh not only at your posts, but the comments from your followers. Thank you for a great start to the day, which actually started 3 hours ago but I can't seem to leave my coffee and computer.

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I, too, know all the words to Baby Got Back. And to "Can I Get a F*** You" by Jay-Z. And to Whoomp, There it is by Tag Team. And to Without Me by Eminem. I don't believe it's wrong for a fairly conservative white girl such as myself to have a hankering for some sweet old school rap tunes every once in a while. It might put some people off at times, but who cares. :)

Holly Bledsoe said...

In response to your 'Baby Got Back' situation, I have often wondered the same thing about myself, only instead wondering why I can't seem to pass a world history midterm but I can always remember every word to TLC's 'Waterfalls' - a song I haven't even listened to since I was 13.

kristine said...

here's a fun fact: La isla bonita is about san pedro, where i spent the weekend. (ok, not THAT fun).

Her muscles are indeed scary.

i would like to hear your version of Smells Like Teen Spirit. In fact, I'd like to officially request a blog post on that.

JBForse said...

Eminem, though I personaly think he could find some less offensive material to rap about, is still a great poet in my opinion. And talent like that is hard not to like, even if it's not your 'cup of tea'. (I figured that saying couldn't be lost on a European;D)

Madonna...well...no. Just, no...

And I find that the lyrics to 'Baby Got Back' are a bit like fast food. It might be a quick meal that you don't put much thought into, but the nasty parts stick around in places you would rather they didn't.

Hang Loose,

sits_on_the_fence said...

It's definately friends. I've sung it to my son

M.J. said...

Finglish..he-he, he!

caroldiane said...

you are so popular now I feel as though my comments are just lost in the crowd (not that I am certain that you read them, but I was ridiculously honoured that you commented on my blog) and I am inspired that you started with 2 followers as well... (I really need to enlist more family members) but I think you are safe in your chosen 'ism with Eminem, perhaps, but not necessarily, because he is a)white and b)writes his own blog {well, maybe}...

holly said...

aaah i always count it as a shower if i wash my hair (even if that means leaning over the side of the tub with my head under the faucet...)
ha your blog makes me feel better about posting random babbling on mine.

oh just out of curiosity do your tags have anything to do with actually organizing your posts, but if so what do they mean? ha.

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

See, another reason we are twins, I am the QUEEN of the thumb and finger pointing dance routine.

Barbara said...

I guess it could count as a sponge bath or maybe you'd have to include going under the arms just in case. See I am capable of making a short comment without droning on. Woohoo!

Meisha said...

Nice variety of music. Should be able to keep you occupied. I totally agree that Eminem is not gangstEr, It is a bit contradicting to be a feminist and like him. But then again, it's music.

I am away now too, and the internet is not easy to get to. I'm afraid I might lag a bit with my blog too. Sucks.

I've gotten so used to rambling.

no_slappz said...

Madonna's muscles look pretty good.

Kirsi said...

Every feminist can have one exception, let your's be Eminem... But that'll be it - choose wisely.

I have no idea what Madonna sings in that song, but I open my mouth very well in rythm, and loudly I might add...

mconfibeauty said...

I just found your blog days ago. I must say...you are funny.

julochka said...

as you know, i'm behind, but catching up...and i'm not taking the time to read all those comments above before writing my own (we knew that about me, that's not new).

several things:

1. totally ok to love madonna. despite the thing with her muscles and the whole adopting the kid thing (i'm thinking of trying to get her to adopt me--if only so i'd watch less t.v., since i heard she doesn't let her kids watch t.v.)

2. ditto eminem. i like him too, tho' that whole song where the guy drives his girlfriend into the lake after writing all those letters kinda makes me a little sick to my stomach.

3. i always thought the wham was "guilty feet have got no rhythm."

4. my brain cells are very taken up by way too many song lyrics and i've often wondered what i might be capable of if i could use that space for good...