Monday, July 20, 2009

Dear golfing deities,

I'm writing to you this letter of appeal on account of my misplaced backswing. I realize that such a thing can easily go missing, because sometimes it is hard to remember in the morning where one's things are, but enough is enough. I must ask your omnipotent help in locating said backswing before my already crumbling love for the sport vanishes completely.

When I began golfing I was under the impression that everyone was given a certain amount of time to become good and then one would stay at that position. Sadly, for me time spent on practice seems to bring no improvement. Unfortunately, my golfing career is void of even such chapters as 'lowering one's handicap', 'getting it to the fairway' or 'hitting it over the water', and only includes such achievements as "not killing anyone', 'yelling fore so that people can run for cover', 'hitting the ball into the water' and 'hitting kilos and kilos of sand out of the bunker'.

Now, without my backswing, my situation seems utterly hopeless.

I strongly believe that my backswing wishes to return to me and I'm very worried that it feels lost and scared where ever it is, as it always does when it wanders off. Also, its partner, my follow through misses it sorely, and has developed a nasty habit of lurching forwards or falling backwards without its partner. My swing has become a pale shadow of its former self.

Lastly, without my backswing the sweet taste of that manna in the birdie-bottle will forever be a mystery to me, and that is a real golfing tragedy. One which could be so easily avoided.

I sincerely hope you can find it in your hearts to help me, since given my personality I will not give this up until I'm good at this. Please. I beg you.

A madwoman with a golf club and no backswing to speak of

This guy just frowns all day long without the backswing.


Kaotic said...

Dear Madwoman with a golf club and no backswing to speak of,

I’ve kinda lost focus of my goal here, along with the wish the higher authorities of this lost world of golf deities commanded me to grant you!

I promise to be back as soon as I find my focus, a mission I usually accomplish once every golf year.

Yours sincerely,

The Guardian of the Mysterious Sweet Manna(aka The Deluded Golf Deity)

Anonymous said...

Oh no, the dreaded lost backswing. I think they all disappear off into some deserted place where they can giggle at others misfortunes. They laugh at the sand that gets tossed about all over the place and are hysterical when the water loses its serene calmness after another ball drops into it. Blasted thing.

julochka said...

oh oh, you've been playing with the fun stuff in're about to go all techie!!!

and as for the backswing, you should ask the gatekeeper if you can go outside the gates and have a word with it. before you go back to reading dreams...

Anonymous said...

I kNOW THE FEELING! thats why i spend most of my time fishing now. :)

Jaideep Sobti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fidgeting Gidget said...

Golf is so frustrating. I love it, but I totally feel ya on this one. Sometimes, after about 12 of 18 holes, I say to myself, "Why in the hell did I pay money to get pissed off? I can get pissed off for free!' But yet, it just keeps drawing me back. I think it's because I hope that one day I'll get better. Ha. It's kind of like gambling in that sense.

rxBambi said...

If you stop looking for it you'll find it. Trust me.

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

I am really rather proud of you for continuing to golf when it would seem that it is frustrating you more than anything.

gymnstxlvr said...

Oh no!


Anonymous said...

Such a sad thing to loose your back swing =(.... Lets hope it is not gone forever and just gone on a little vacation =)... I think that timing is everything when swinging a club.... I use a trick to remember the right timing... I say the name Sobriono Ballesteros in my head during my swing. Apparently he was a famous spanish golfer.... I say his first name in my back swing and than at the top of my start saying the last name. It is a trick I learned when I was taking lessons... it has proved to be a big help in my game. Hope it helps you out. =) Good luck

Juan Pablo said...

Oh, golf =[

I tried and tried but I suppose the golf deities had already decided that I was not worthy. Mini-golf is the closest I'll go ever since "the accident".

Anonymous said...

you better find him (or would she be a her?) before he goes and jumps in a swirling pool and is gone forever!

Mockingbird said...

Just do like Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore. Swing blindly and hope you hit something. It's more fun that way.

Avery K. said...

Drivers. Irons. Woods. it seems that there are many tools to show that golf is not either of our "thing". i love your blog and keep it up :)

Extranjera said...

Guardian of manna - I'd appreciate it if you'd hurry up... No pressure, though... Right.

ED - I think my backswing is even more devious than that and is cooking up a scheme to take the rest of my swing too. I just have this hunch.

julochka - He said not until my backswing is about to die.

MSD - I very much doubt I would have the correct throw for fishing either.

Jaideep - Tried 150 times this past weekend. But I'll keep trying.

FG - I reaaallly hope it gets better sooner than later.

Bambi - Nope. Still not working. What else you got?

VEG - Can't stop until I'm good at it.

Gymn - Oh no indeed.

Elysia - thanks for the tip. i'll try it out next time I'm out there.

Juan Pablo - I'm plowing on regardless of several of them 'accidents'. Otherwise the loss of all those lives would be in vain.

JAG - It's too weak now to go anywhere. The gatekeeper tells me so.

Mockinbird - I'm already kinda doing that.

Avery - Too many moving parts.

Anonymous said...






My name is Erin. said...

While I completely agree with the comment above me, I have to say that my blog crush deepened a bit with this posting. Hilarious! XO