Dear golfing deities,

I'm writing to you this letter of appeal on account of my misplaced backswing. I realize that such a thing can easily go missing, because sometimes it is hard to remember in the morning where one's things are, but enough is enough. I must ask your omnipotent help in locating said backswing before my already crumbling love for the sport vanishes completely.

When I began golfing I was under the impression that everyone was given a certain amount of time to become good and then one would stay at that position. Sadly, for me time spent on practice seems to bring no improvement. Unfortunately, my golfing career is void of even such chapters as 'lowering one's handicap', 'getting it to the fairway' or 'hitting it over the water', and only includes such achievements as "not killing anyone', 'yelling fore so that people can run for cover', 'hitting the ball into the water' and 'hitting kilos and kilos of sand out of the bunker'.

Now, without my backswing, my situation seems utterly hopeless.

I strongly believe that my backswing wishes to return to me and I'm very worried that it feels lost and scared where ever it is, as it always does when it wanders off. Also, its partner, my follow through misses it sorely, and has developed a nasty habit of lurching forwards or falling backwards without its partner. My swing has become a pale shadow of its former self.

Lastly, without my backswing the sweet taste of that manna in the birdie-bottle will forever be a mystery to me, and that is a real golfing tragedy. One which could be so easily avoided.

I sincerely hope you can find it in your hearts to help me, since given my personality I will not give this up until I'm good at this. Please. I beg you.

Respectfully,
A madwoman with a golf club and no backswing to speak of

This guy just frowns all day long without the backswing.