Expat Existence and then some

I have been in the expat way for 9 years now.

Wow. Surprised myself there a little bit.

Let's take a moment to reflect.

I really do like that episode of South Park with Oprah's minge, and Gary, her A-hole. Hahahahaha. I wonder if Oprah laughed when she saw it? I wonder if Oprah can sing? Didn't she sing with Tina Turner? Lala lala lala tonight. Wait a minute, that's NKOTB... Oh dammit, got distracted again. Play it cool now. I don't think anyone noticed. I didn't laugh out loud did I, or sing? Play serious now....

Thanks.

As much as I feel like living in Africa (by which I mean 3 of the 53 countries - a fair generalization, don't you think?) is exactly like living anywhere else in the world there have been some things I wasn't expecting to be as tough or as difficult as they've been, and then again there have been some things I was expecting to rattle me, but which have turned out to be a walk in the park category things after all.

Oprah's minge. Hahahahahahahaha. That is some funny shit, that is. Hahahahahaha. I should really buy some NKOTB on iTunes. I'll be lovin' you fah eva... Oh. Yeah. Focus... 

Upon leaving Mexico (A departure that still makes me cry. For reals.) I was looking forward to landing in a country where I wouldn't have to spend the first couple of months on brushing up the language. (Spanish verb conjugation can be used as a form of torture, especially if combined with electric shocks.) Because in SA everyone would be speaking English, right? Not quite.

Voy, vas, va, vamos, van. Yup still got it. Maybe I should read more in Spanish though? What is taking so long with downloading that NKOTB CD? I wanna hear Tonight. NOW! Lala lala lala tonight. Yeah, that hits the spot. I wonder if the small one of them speaks any Spanish? Nah, his eyes are too pale blue...

What?!?

Oh.

I don't have the faintest idea why or how or in what universe, but for some reason South Africa seems to feel I look like I should be either addressed in Afrikaans, or failing that in Tsotsitaal, the township slang. English would just be lost on me. Uhhuh. Now, I know most days I am the spitting image of a township shebeen-queen (especially when I do my hair), but Afrikaans? Come on folks. Don't be making me into a Boer. Please.

Boer - bore. No, shouldn't make that joke. Someone might get hurt, and it's a little on the boring side too. Hahahaha. Oprah's minge. That is just too funny. Nothing beats that. Nothing beats Oprah's minge.... Hahahahahaha. Ow, that shit hurts my stomach.

Snort.

I know. That's it. I promise.

I do like the African sky. And luckily there is a lot of it to like, and often.

Post-Mexico I was also looking forward to not immediately being pegged as the outsider, or Zeus forbid, a gringa. Still, I wasn't prepared for what inclusion in the general population, particularly in South Africa could or would mean.

Getting just a tad serious... Lighten up. 

Lala lala lala tonight. I still have my awesome dance moves. maybe I should get N'SYNC's 'God must have spent a little more time on you'. I could do that choreography all day long...

Okay. Not that much of lightening up, please. Stay on task.

And for Zeus's sakes, stop dancing woman. You look ridiculous.    

Regardless of how good it feels to live in a place, where you don't get the feeling that someone is watching you from the corner of their eye to see whether the güerita will do something stupid or better yet, say something stupid, like call the reception guard cochina, a dirty little pig, when she meant to say that she is expecting a dishwasher repair guy for that 'machine in the cocina, the kitchen, there are certain sides to being included that will definitely throw you for a loop. That you wish would not ever come up. Things that are assumed you condone just because of the way you look.

Like the outright racism.

Which makes you sick to your stomach.

Why is the N'SYNC stuff not downloading? What? Why? 

Oh, click on 'Buy'. I'll just do that then. 

Bye Bye Bye is good too. What is this? "you already own Bye Bye Bye." Since when? Who keeps buying me music? Drunk Extranjera, I'll get you for this...

However, there have been some positive surprises as well. If you know the real world me (which most of you don't, but rest assured she's not much different from the blog me. Perhaps a little nicer [I've been told] and a little more dangerous, since she can actually get to you other than with words and with something on wheels), you know that I'm not much of a driver. Or, actually I'm too much of a driver for my own good. And if you thought that my thoughts (oooh, look at all the pretty birds up there... see that kid picking his nose in that car) get in the way of my blogging, just imagine what happens when I'm less than comfortably behind the wheel of metal box. I know. Quite horrifying. 

Still, driving in South Africa, after having gotten used to driving in Mexico City is, like I said, a total walk in the park, a barefoot walk in the park, with a blindfold on, and balloons and butterflies making the park all happy, and absolutely no screaming kids or actually anyone else in the park. 

And I thought I would never be able to drive stick with the gearshift on my left side while driving on the left side of the road. 

No problem. Apparently the left hand might be good for something else than picking the left side of one's nose after all.

What? 

Has the internet died on me. AGAIN. For foks sake, yes it has. Big FOK and a little follow FOK. FOK FOK FOK and fok.

And I'm halfway through downloading Metallica's Enter Sandman. 

Aww.

I know I jinxed it with my happy. Should have just kept my happy to myself. That's what you get.

Argh! 

Universe?

Please.